How To Loose Your Mind (In Eight Easy Steps)

Black · 14-03-2008, 04:40 AM

The first step;
You know somethings wrong, but you put it down to a cold, or not enough sleep- or starting work- something, anything. So you don't have to admit something might be wrong
The second step;
That feeling just won't go away- but you push it to the back of your mind- the line between reality and dream begins to thin- but it's still just because you're getting a cold.
The third step;
That feeling is too strong to ignore- so you think about it- try and work out the cause- the result- whats going on- but it's all just a brutal circle, taking you lower and lower.
The fourth step;
You start to see things- hear things- nightmares. But hey- you're tired and feel lethargic- it's just the flu. That's what you tell yourself- what you tell them, when you jump and have to bite back a scream when the figures dancing on the roof suddenly turn into crows with human bodies and lunge for you.
The fifth step;
So now you know somethings wrong. You can feel your hold deteriorating. You don't know when you're awake, when you're asleep. You could swear that you had an arguement with your bestfriend, but no one else remembers it. And you would swear that you dreamt falling over and cutting open your knee- but there it is, that scrape... so there's no denying it now. You are loosing your mind.
The sixth step;
You finally decided to speak to someone. So you go and speak with the woman, she mentions something about `physcosis` but says you're not, ebcause you don't believe it- inside your head you're sceaming; save me, help me! please - but she decides to make you another appointment, with a physcologist, or a therapist- doesn't matter, you can't remember.
The seventh step;
By the time your appointment comes around, you've pretty much given up hope- and, what do you know? 10 minutes talking to you, and the guy gives you this warm, kind smile and says; There's nothing wrong with you. You're fine, don't worry. There's nothing seriously wrong with you.
The eighth step;
Everyone has told you you're fine- so you must be, right? So this- confusion, doubt, fear, the visions, the voices, the noises- the things no one else can hear or see or remember or even understand- it's nothing.

Congratulations, you have now lost your mind.

Welcome to my world. But hey, don't worry- there's nothing seriously wrong with people like you and me. We're just overly dramatic.

The Midnight Crazies · 14-03-2008, 08:50 AM

I'm sorry you seem to go thru a rough time. I sometimes dream very realistic dreams and with lack of sleep sometimes all gets mixed up and I get confused what's real and what's not. However I don't think I'm psychotic but I'm no doctor. I think you should give it a try again to talk to someone and tell them you're really bothered by how you feel. Meanwhile: are you getting enough (regular) sleep? Are you eating ok? Are you staying away from alcohol & drugs? I found alcohol to be very unhelpful when going thru rough times, especially when under stress and all.

*hugs*

Marte

Black · 14-03-2008, 10:02 PM

Thanks for the advice- I do some drinkin- every weekend or ever few weekends- but otherwise I tend ta avoid it- and drugs? Nope. Don't have access to them!
I know that if something really was wrong with me, someone would have realised- or the doctors - no, forget that, about five people over the last half year or so have died from cancer because of doctors down here. So I'm not sure my faith in them is too strong- but I know I'm not loosing my mind, that other people feel the same things I do- but it doesn't help much- because I feel like I'm loosing my mind.
And I probably sleep too much!

thanks again for the response.

nikki1922 · 14-03-2008, 11:12 PM

I really liked this post. I am sorry that its so hard. It seems to me that your explaning its really hard to admit to it and once you do and reach out for help no one is taking your hand in that. SPEAK up , Scream if you have too. I would rewrite this for myself but place depression sytoms and how it can be in there. Your not alone ! PM me anytime Okay, I know what it feels like

Nicole<3

Black · 14-03-2008, 11:41 PM

hey, thanks for the reply, nikki- your post really put a smile on my face.
And feel free to re-write it!

I don't know if anything is wrong with me or not, but I'm moving to the UK in about 2 months, so I'm gonna go and speak to someone then, just to find out if anything really is wrong with me- or if it's just some bizzare feeling I've got.

Thanks again for the reply- and it's good to know I can PM ya any time, thanks.

Eve of D. · 17-03-2008, 12:28 AM

hey, i agree with Nikki, i liked how u described whats going on and i think a lot of ppl can relate, myself included. i'm not a doctor either but if your seeing things you should be taken seriously when u tell them! i'm really loosing respect for the psych profession, it's sad. its like if someone is well enough to ask for help they're not sick enough to deserve it. frankly thats REALLY messed up and if everyone acted like that then no one would ever get better. i hope you do find someone that will listen, keep trying! you deserve to have help, you don't have to put up with these feelings, no matter what is causing them. in my opinion you are strong for recognizing that something is wrong.

Black · 17-03-2008, 02:26 AM

Hey, thanks for the reply... I'm moving to the UK in 7 weeks, so hopefully I'll be able to find someone to help me by working out what's causing all this.... heh...
Doctors, everything down here to do with people needing help, mental or physical problems... they're crap. For example, one guy had cancer- just four months ago or so, right? and the doctors down here told him to make the best of the time he had left. They gave him 6 months.
His family paid for him to go over to a hospital in Santiago, and they cured him. Just like that- one operation and all the chemo therapy- no problem.
If the doctors down here had their way- he'd be planning his funeral right now.

Queer Fringe · 20-03-2008, 06:13 PM

I know excactly how you feel...that's happened to me...now camhs have given up on me...

Black · 21-03-2008, 04:55 AM

I figure I don't need 'em anyways. What could they do for me? Put me on meds? Pyscho-analyze me?
I'll pass. I've come this far alone, I can do it. I'll get through it. That, or I'll completely lose my mind... And either way, it'll be over.
Sorry you got given up on- it's always rough when someone gives up on ya... But as long as you don't give up, right?
Thanks for the reply- now I'm gonna go and curl up in a corner and rock back and forth (joke)
It's good to know I'm not the only one in this situation.