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Triggering (SI) - How can I ask for help?
My dad was given contacts to the Henrico Mental Health place to get me cousiling, which was recommened by my school counsilor in front of his face, about a month ago... i mean, i dont want to ask about it because i think he would say something to me like "you dont need it" or "its none of your buisness". honestly i think it could help me wope with a few issues of what is going on right now. i dont wanna talk to my mom about it because i dont think i can really ask her to tell my dad to call them. things have been getting a bit better, but every monring now this week my step mother and father have yelled at me at least twice. i mean, its driving me insane to the point where i dont even want to be there in that same house as them..... ugh. im sorry if i sound like im complaining.. but soon i feel like i will cut again.... really badly and not with scissors....
again, i am sorry if this is too long and it sounds like i am complaining too much.... i dont know what it is..... just the other day when my step mother yelled at me about my grades again, and telling me that my father was shaking becuause of stress over me, b.c he has no idea what to do with me, and yah.... she told me to get my head out of my ass..... then the words "you make me miserable" (something she said a while back) flashed through my mind. i instantly thought of suicide... leaving behind a note saying "well if im that bad of a person, then all you have to left is put me 6 feet under and never give me another thought then". but of course.... suicide isnt the answer... i convinced myself that. and i am trying to keep my problems to myself now, trying to forget them, while helping out others..... you know, being strong for them. but it feels so fake when i smile and tell them everythings alright..... when i think the opposite. its conforting words for them, but empty for me.... idk......
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