Triggering (SI) - Running out of fight

brap_brap · 13-03-2008, 12:58 AM

I feel down today for no apparent reason today. I just want to give up but i cant and i dont have the fight in me anymore to fight the urges. I thought going back for a week would be a nice week and just relax but i was wrong Im cutting more this week than usuasal

zivalover16 · 13-03-2008, 01:00 AM

have your tried to do something to distract yourself like writing poetry or holding ice or writing with a red pen?

Cazki · 13-03-2008, 01:01 AM

Hiya there im very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now and that your struggling to fight the urges. *Gives you a big hug* Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. Please dont beat yourself up over this.

You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok.

No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not good for you now but they wont always be like this. Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it.

Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.

Take care best wishes Ian

brap_brap · 13-03-2008, 11:19 AM

I still the same as yesterday. Some how i feel that i do deserve to be in pain. Just now im listening to music and playing games on my laptop. My dad is moaning that i spend alot of time on the computer when im home but he said that i have to spend time with him and not go out at nights to see my friends

crazykat · 13-03-2008, 11:29 AM

You don't deserve to be in pain sweetheart, its sounds like you are already hurting enough. So please try not to hurt yourself if you can. I know how hard it is when you are feeling down, let alone when you can't put your finger on it what exactly is making you feel like that. I find that when I feel like this it is helpful to do something nice for myself, itcan help lift your mood a little bit even if only for a short time. Hang in there you can get through this. I'm here if you need to talk. Take care
Kat xxx

brap_brap · 13-03-2008, 11:43 PM

I treated myself with dinner out with a mate and that lefted my mood up for a little while and i hav been keeping myself distracted all the time which is hard work

Cazki · 14-03-2008, 12:38 AM

Im really proud of you for the excellent effort that your making in keeping yourself distracted. Your making such an excellent effort! Well done! :) You can get through this and remember that we are all here for you, your not alone ok. We will do whatever we can to support you for as long as you need it. How are you feeling?

Best wishes Ian

brap_brap · 14-03-2008, 01:18 PM

I still feel the same i met up wit 1 of my cousins who found out ages ago this morning and without any warning she asked me if i was still cutting and of course i said no but she didnt believe and went on and on about it. After that i wanted to cut so bad and finally i give in oops

Cazki · 14-03-2008, 06:34 PM

Im sorry that you slipped up but try not to beat yourself up. Slipping up is part of recovery we all have slip ups but this doesnt mean that you have failed or that you should give up on recovering. Beating yourself up will only make things worse. Please try to keep yourself distracted as much as you possibly can.

Best wishes Ian xxxxxx

brap_brap · 16-03-2008, 12:51 AM

My dad found a knife in my bedroom and went mad. He demanded me to left up my sleeves i refused so he decided to rip all of my clothes off me. There was new cuts on me. Then he dragged me out to the car i didnt have anything on my feet and bundle me in it and threathened to take me to hospital if i didnt talk about it i refused again and he put child locks on so i couldnt get away. He drove me to the hospital giving me changes after changes to talk i refused all the time. Finally we got to the hosp and carried on threatening to get the doctors to me i said no and i was a mess by this time. He went to the door of the hosp and then decided to come back and he left the driver door open and i decided to run for it but i didnt get far caused he followed me in the car and my feet were sore. I decided to go in the wood and hide but he found me still threatening me. I decided to sit down on the grass and refused to go anyplace. He decided to drag me again back to the car and chuck me in it. Then drove back to the hospital. We sat there for ages argueing. I gave in to him then he took me home and sat me down and demanded me to tell him why i do it and if i didnt he do would it again to me so i decided to tell him about it. At one point he dragged me by my hair. now I hate my parents for doing that to me. He didnt understand it was a slip up