Triggering (SI) - Going down....

Zurg · 12-06-2007, 09:33 AM

I know it's just a few days ago since we celebrated my one month free mark..... But i'm really sad and i have been so for the past 3 days...... And i just don't know what to do to snap out of it....

I keep thinking to myself that i can make just one tiny wound and it'll be ok..... But i know that's not so.... And i really don't wanna go back to self harming like that......

I just don't know what to do..... I feel so sad and so lonely, even when i'm around other people because it feels like the entire universe stands between me and them..... Like they cannot understand me because i am a cutter and they are not...... Like i carry something in my heart that will forver taint my relationship with other people.....

I try to talk it out but talking just makes me anxious and in the end, even more sad..... I know that means i should talk some more or even just talk about the things that REALLY bother me but i find it so hard to say to people that i feel different because of my scars..... That i feel alienated from others because i have had this secret and it was almost a life long companion..... I feel like people don't wanna know this side of me..... Like they won't take the entire package.....

I don't know how to explain.... One of my good friends said that self harm is one of the loneliest things to do.... And even though i've stopped i still carry it around everywhere....

I just wish i wasn't so lonely....

aspie80 · 12-06-2007, 10:27 AM

*hugs* I can really relate to what you said about the entire universe standing between you and other people. When someone is used to a negative and secretive coping method, it's really hard to change it. I haven't harmed for a year (except for some slip ups) and it's still in my head all the time and prevents me from seeking comfort from other people. You know yourself that starting to cut again is not the answer.

pea soup · 12-06-2007, 11:34 AM

*snuggles you*
i can definitely relate to "people dont wanna know this side of me....like they wont take the entire package".
that made alot of sense to me.
i feel like that so much and have never really put it into words.
i dont have anything useful kat....im sorry.
what you said just really hit home for me too.
youre not alone (clichey)
much love.
xx