Graphic / Triggering - Cant stop myself

Starz* · 09-03-2008, 03:31 PM

I dont cut very often but when i do i make it worth it.
Id been having the same though for a few weeks of wanting to cut all along my forearm.
So with nobody here but me for the week i decided to do it.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : graphic detail

Luckily i know someone who works in A&E so i went to his and he cleaned it and ster-stipped it up. Its still bleeding a little now as its close to my wrist so i have to move it all the time.

Ive already peeled back some ster strips and pulled it open so i can look inside it. Its comforting to me. I dont ususally bother getting cuts treated but this one really needed it.

i just want more. i feel so proud of myself. how sick is that. i wanna pull all the steristrips of and leaving gaping flesh.

Ive already peeling the steri-strips back

Sleepless123 · 09-03-2008, 03:50 PM

Hi.im sorry your in such pain.i found your post very powerful.Well done for going to get the cut treated even though you dont usually - it really does sound like it needed it and is a very important step.i really dont doubt the skills of the person you know from A and E but as hard as it may be perhaps you still need to go to a doctor or hospital or something?im not saying this not knowing how hard it can be but im just worried that perhaps as well as physical treatment it sounds as though you could really do with talking to a professional about how you are feeling emotionally too as you sound very down.Also i can understand you being proud of when youve cut badly - as ashamed as i can sometimes feel to admit it ive felt a bit like that occasionally when ive done other things really badly to myself before but it is a sign of how bad you are feeling and that you do need to seek help.Please.We are here for you though and please do post some more.i am also always here anytime if you want to PM [private message] anytime.It is clear you are not feeling very good at the moment and you are in my thoughts though i know those words can probably do little to comfort and help at such a dark time.Take care.sleepless123

Starz* · 09-03-2008, 06:49 PM

thanks again for your time to reply to me.

I will be seeing my ED therapist on tuesday and my gp next friday. i can talk to them then. ive got cream from my gp anyway, were upping my AD's, so theres nothing anyone can do. what i need to do it stop being so f***ing stupid.

Sleepless123 · 09-03-2008, 07:17 PM

Hey dont be so hard on yourself.i think that you were very brave to write what you did and share with us.It isnt easy to deal with things when you feel so low and you are trying your best.im glad that you are seeing people this week.i hope that they will be supportive and that you can keep safe till then at least.Hugs if wanted [its ok if not - dont want to offend!].Please remember that we are here.How are you now?

Cazki · 09-03-2008, 11:44 PM

Hiya there im very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. Your not a waste of space at all. *Gives you a big hug* Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Could you talk to us about what it is thats made you feel like this? Do you have any support at all? (If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. Im really proud of you for being able to talk to us i think your very brave indeed. Well done! :)

You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. I really want you to take a moment and think about how it would effect everyone around you if anything happened to you. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok.

No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not good for you now but they wont always be like this. Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it.

Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.

Take care best wishes Ian

~~Kirsty~~ · 10-03-2008, 12:51 AM

Hiya! I’m so sorry that your having such a hard time right now. *hugs* everything will be ok, I know that what your going through is not easy but it doesn’t mean that you can’t get through this. we are all here for you and care for you. You can get through this please don’t give up please keep fighting through this. Even try to start to take an hour at time then when you have done that try another hour and take it from there.

Suicide is not the answer though it seems like the easy options it’s people close to you e.g. friends even people on here would miss you.

Have you thought about writing your feelings down on paper? Please keep distracting like listening to music, going for a walk. Please look after yourself and try to keep yourself safe.

Please to hesitate to pm me if you need to talk more. Xx