Triggering (SI) - bleh...

[sweet_pain]

It's 3:23 (or 2:23, I'm not sure when the time change thing takes place) and I have to be at church at 9 tommorow morning. I can't go upstairs though. I cannot be in my room. I cannot be near my oblivious mother. I can't leave the computer because I'm really scared I'm going to do something I'll regreat. I hate this so freacking much. I hate asking for help because I don't feel like I deserve it. I'd so much rather be helping other people than asking for help, but I don't know what to do anymore. I went a week without cutting, but on thursday my mom got mad at me, my brother got ad at me and my dad got mad at me all for different reasons and I just frwcked and left. I wanted so badly to go to my gymnastics club, and I did, but no one was there. Well, not the person I needed to be there anyways. So I went to the beach (which is a 3 minute walk from the gym, 5 from my house) and just passed up and down. I know the beach and the ravine so much better then my parents or my brother so I wasn't worried about being found. I started to pick up pieces of ***** to find a sharp one. Because I wasn't planing on cutting I didn't bring anything with me! So I found a big piece of ***** and threw it against a rock so that it'dhave sharp edges and cut! Stupidest thing in the world to do! Thank GOD it didn't get infected to badly because this ***** was in lake ontario, which is majorly not clean! Whatever, I cleaned it up and put polysporin on it wehn I got home 4 hours later. Not even by choise did I go home. It was cold, and rainy and I was drenched soI had to go home because I had no where else to go.

And now I want to cut so badly. I don't know what to do with myself.

[*..life in pain..*]

Im so sorry that u r struggling right now.i know how hard it is to beat the urges, but u can do it.can u tell me a bit more whats going on?please try to distract yourself.u can call a friend, watch tv, read a book, go for a walk, post in the fun and distraction forum.just distract yourself.hun u can do it.u were cut free for a week,thats great,u can do it again.please hun.keep posting here.

[blondiebear]

I'm glad you took care of yourself by cleaning the wound. I've thought about going to the beach but won't until a cut I have on my foot heals.

Can you look at what your mom and dad and brother said and see if it is about them and not you? My mother is a selfish mean person and I've learned that anything she says is about her and her illnesses.

I'm so glad you went to the beach. It is too bad that you've SI'd.
I've heard that throwing ice is great for venting anger and frustration. I throw like a girl, so stomping around the neighborhood helps me. So does coming here.
Let us know how you're doing?

[Cazki]

Hiya there im very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. *Gives you a big hug* Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Could you talk to us about what it is thats made you feel like this? Do you have any support at all?

(If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. Please remeber that slipping up is part of recovery and that we all have slip ups, but this does not mean that you have failed at all, and that you should give up on recovery. I think your extremly brave indeed and well done for being able to talk to us about this and opening up to us.

You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok.

No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not good for you now but they wont always be like this. Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it.

Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.

Take care best wishes Ian