Triggering (SI/Suicide) - waste of space

airwolf282 · 08-03-2008, 08:16 AM

Waste of space = me in three simple words.

I'm just not moving forward at all. I have to go to see the psychiatrist next week but there is little they will do as I'm already taking my meds. I ain't changing again because I'm so sick of changing. I seldom get any therapy because I go through the public system. It's unreliable and unavailable but I simply cannot afford private therapy.

I want to hurt myself just as much as the other day. I don't want to be here anymore. I feel like life is punishing me for causing my friend to kill herself. I know I deserve it but it still doesn't make it any easier to live with. It doesn't make it worth living either.

I'm so stupid. I can't even get a fucking job. I'm a shame to my own family. An embarrasement to my wife and I made my friend kill herself. What the fuck can I do right?

The blades are sitting between the battery and cover in my phone. I just want to get away from life right now. I know they will make me feel better for a bit but it just keeps coming back. I keep having to lie about the cuts on my arms. It's getting beyond the joke yet I can't stop. The only way I can stop is by not being around anymore. It seems like the best option at present. No more having to make up stories to cover for the cuts all over my arms. Then I would be able to tell my friend how sorry I am for causing her to do it. I'm just so over living right now. Everything is so bleak for me and it's so useless going on.

Blueman

effervescence · 08-03-2008, 08:29 AM

hey blueman. remember me? i'm still listening to you.
i think you should take your blades out and move them to somewhere where you can't access them so easily, to try and remove some of the temptation. im sure your friend would want to you keep on living! she wouldn't want to see you lose hope. try to make the most of your psych appointment as you can't go very often, so tell them how you are feeling and take the opportunity to have a bit of a rant.

phoenixflames_forever · 08-03-2008, 12:52 PM

Hey Blueman,
Am realy sorry your having such a tough time at the moment but please dont give up, your not a waste of space, things just seem really god dam tough for you at the moment, but you can pull through this and we will all be here to suppport you.
Maybe you try making an apppointment with a free counsellor as another support system.
For now though please just try and distract yourself eith something positive like a film, book, even posting on here.....just anythiing to get you through the low and we'll always listen.
Take Care,
Phoenix

Cazki · 08-03-2008, 03:56 PM

Hiya there im very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. Your not a waste of space at all. *Gives you a big hug* Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Could you talk to us about what it is thats made you feel like this? Do you have any support at all? (If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. Ending your life really isnt the answer im including a link called how suicide effects those around you http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ad.php?t=1405r

You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. I really want you to take a moment and think about how it would effect everyone around you if anything happened to you. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok.

No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not good for you now but they wont always be like this. Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it.

Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.

Take care best wishes Ian