Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - Feel so pointless.

[Embles]

I tried 2 days ago.
I tried to end it again.
I took ** pills.
And it didnt work!!!
People have died from less pills than I took.
So why am I still alive?
Ffs, im so worthless I cant even get killing myself right?
People have proved that I was just a nothing to be used for their own sick pleasure.
I mean who wants to do that to a little child?
What kind of freak sees a child in that manner?
I could have coped if it was just one person, but just as i thought it was all over, it started again!
Its over now thank god.
But that wasnt all of the worst parts of my life.
It just feels like im going through
sh*t after sh*t after sh*t
And its never gonna get better.....
7 attempts down the line.
Still alive.
I still have nightmares.
I still get flashbacks.
And the only person who could make it better.
Ive made him leave my life, for his benefit.
I was screwing up his life.
But hes the only friend I have who knows the full story.
Who knows everything about my life.
How can I make it better?
How can I stop attempting?

[~~Kirsty~~]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that know one deserves that. it will get easier i know it seems impossble at the moment but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. we all care for you here and do want to see you hurting anymore than you are. we would miss you if you died. please do not give up, please keep going. even keeping posting here, your not on your own and your not worthless.

try to distract yourself listening to music, go for a walk, punsh a pillow, write your feeling down on paper. taking an od can do damage however much you take.

please stay safe you can do this and please do not hesate to pm me anytime you want to talk. xxx

[*Stars_above*]

maybe its a sign, its not working becasue it is not your time to go. we are al here for you but there is so much we can do.. i think its time you should talk to your doc becasue no one wants to see you going though this... its hard i know but i know you can do it hun.

sorry not being much help i know.. but its not a good idea to keep trying becasue it may not kill you but it would make you really really ill.
i hope your ok sweetie *hugs* XXX

[Cazki]

Hiya there you dont have to apologise at all. Im very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. *Gives you a big hug* Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Could you talk to us about what it is thats made you feel like this? Do you have any support at all? (If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. Ending your life really isnt the answer im including a link called how suicide effects those around you http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ad.php?t=1405r

You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. I really want you to take a moment and think about how it would effect everyone around you if anything happened to you. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok.

No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not good for you now but they wont always be like this. If you unsafe then id advise you to go to A&E and speak to a proffesional. Im am terribly sorry for the pain that your going through. I know that your going through an extremly dififcult time right now but suicide really isnt the solution here.

Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it.

Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.

Take care best wishes Ian

[Embles]

Hey, thanks to everybody who has written on here
*Gives big mahoosive hug*
I do write down my feelings in a diary, but your right Avalanche, they do end up being mostly negative, I didnt realise that.
I do try to distract myself, and Ive given up cutting.
But it just feels like I shouldnt be helped.
I mean, I feel bad for you 3 who have written back to me on here, because youve taken the time to type to somebody who views themselves as a lost cause.
Ive never had a good self opinion, and I feel like everyone I come into contact with will not have a good life until Im gone.
I dont intend to try to attempt again, as Im still pretty ill from the last attempt. I mean, Ive missed 4 days (well it will be 4 days tomorrow) of school, and I never miss school.
My friends and family dont know how much I am struggling, hell none of them even know why Im so screwed up!!
I dont have a counsellor, and I couldnt tell my family, as my home life is sh*t, and I have no hesitation in saying that I would be kicked out if they found out, as Im now 16.
Hell, my mum didnt even want me to live with her when I was 7 , because she couldnt be bothered to look after a child! I dont live with my dad, or go near him, as hes an ex-alcoholic child abuser. But my mum has no clue of this!
Sorry. I didnt mean for that to turn into a rant.
SorrySorry.