Triggering (SI) - Help! Seven months clear and hurting now

[trailsofpain]

I dont know where else to turn. I was doing so well. I thought that all was going good. But now I am fighting just to get up in the morning. I am back in therapy twice a week, and I still can't get the thought of just going to the store and buying razors. I dont know what the hell is wrong with me! Why can't I just be normal!!!!!!!!!

I am trying to work out a relationship that is getting so hard. It is so hard to love some one when you question their love for you. Why do we (as humans) have to seek out love from others. Why can't we just be more like wolfs who can live alone for years upon years?


Sorry if I wasted any ones time. I know that I should just let myself suffer and not bring any one down again.

[chocostashchick]

oh honey you arent wasting space at all - this is what RYL is here for!
i give you a lot of credit for making such an effort in your therapy, and for going twice a week!! that's really brave of you, way to go! :)


i am so sorry that you are feeling so bad and having to fight these urges
keep fighting! i have reached a point in my life where i don't really know what is normal and what isn't. in fact most days i don't think normal exists at all, it's just a myth or something. anyway, the point of that was to say that you aren't alone. normal or not, battling SI and the constant urges, you aren't alone and we can all relate with that.

as far as advice, i hope that you can take some of the courage you use to get to therapy twice a week and use it to be honest with your therapist and tell them about your recent urges and frustrations. therapists do their best work when they know exactly what is going on for you. have you also talked about your relationship? do you know why you question your partner's love? this may be the hardest of all, but i would also recommend that you tell your partner about these insecurities. maybe together you can come up with a way to make it better.

good luck
xxxooo
callie

[pea soup]

7 months is amazing.
congrats!!!
dont have much to offer atm.
*snuggles*
much love.
xxxxxxxxx

[dye on the rope]

The way I control myself from not harming is thinking about the guilt i'd feel a few mins after I cut, the urge will never leave you, but you CAN control it....
you've gone so long without it so why do you want to now, is there something thats been bothering you, try and get to the bottom of it. and at least then you can find a way of avoiding that situation. don't give up!

[Lora]

Aww sweetie Im sorry you're in a bad place right now. But you're not alone, and don't ever think you're wasting space, you're not.
Also seven months is amazing hun, truely, and don't forget it, it really is fantastic, and it just shows how strong you are.
Keep fighting this hun, I know how hard and impossible it can seem, but you can get through this, I really believe you can.
I'm here if you want tto talk anytime.
Love Lora xxx

[blondiebear]

I despise that I'm needy. To me it seems like a defect of character. Yet everyone I talk to says that it isn't. It feels so much worse too because there are specific people I want to talk to.

I don't know what's normal.

[Casper_Fading]

Hi love,

I'm about 16 months free and I still think it! My doctors put me back on medication. He told me he'd been waiting for it. It's something we have to do.You know the saying "two steps forward, one step back" think like that... It's slow going but you CAN do it. It's so hard when you're trying so hard and feeling like you're getting nowhere but you're SEVEN months free. That's so impressive! And think to yourself how you'd feel if you let go of that. You'd be so disappointed in yourself. BUT on the other hand if you do slip up then just let it be. Don't obsess over it. Before I quit for good I had a nine month period where I didn't harm and then I slipped and because I obsessed over it I just made it worse instead of realising that everyone slips up and it happens.

*hugs* PM me if you need to talk!

Jess