Triggering (Suicide) - I just keep attempting.

[Red Riding Hood]

Last night I tried to kill myself, and again today.

This isn't uncommon for me, as I often have a spate of suicidal urges, then recover for a bit, then fall down to them again.

But this is a bit scarier, it's the closest I've ever got. Today I was well aware I could die and I was fine with it, I was actually content with knowing "all this" would be over.

I'm wondering how much longer it will take for me to finally go through with it.

I don't know what to do from here. I feel telling people -in real life - is pointless, they'll only want to save me and I don't want that, I'm not really committed to that.

:(

Thank you for reading.
x

[alina]

i know how you feel, it's terrible isn't it. I don't know what advise i can give you other than try to think of the times when you recovered for a bit, and how if you do end it all even the good will be over. There's always some good, no matter how small. I need to tell myself that too.

[idontwantnomorescars]

hunny please be really careful right now, you're obviously not very stable.

i dont think its unusual to go through a period of suicidal urges then recover for a while. it happens to me quite often.

it is an extremely scary place to be when you get to the point where you know you could have died and actually be content with it. you really need to look after yourself right now. because all of us here at ryl want you here with us.

the only reason people want to save you is because they care about you, i knwo some people get overbearing about it all, but please remember theyy are only trying their best to help you through difficult times.