im not quite sure where this goes..but i hope its the right section
ha, theres so many things, it might take a while to read
My home environment is so horrible, and stressful. I dont know how much longer i can put up with it, for years now, my parents cared little about mine and my borthers upbringing, leaving us alone but shouting at us when they get into bad moods. Its gotten so bad now, that whenever i think they are coming near i tense up and prepare myself to be put down and insulted with no provocation whatsoever.
Thats not the worst part, the hardest part is watching my brother be so much more effected by it all than i am, I love him to bits hes the best thing i have here, but its so hard seeing him get upset. I worry about him so much
Im so desperate to get away from here, its exhausting living like this, constantly afraid or being told off, of not provoking it, so in october i should be going to uni which is causing the most stress right now. Ive been in tears most of the day and ive not done it for two years but im starting to want to cut again. Argh its been so long, and i still have the scars.
I need to get certain grades so i can go to the uni i want, i am so afraid i wont get what i need, mixed with everything else, my parents, my brother, two faced friends, Ive had little sleep the past few days because my parents have made me work even while i have exams, and i dont get home til aorund 11-midnight and have to wake up at 6-7am the next day for an exam
I hate this so much, i swore i would never sink into depression, of feeling completely helpless, but its so hard. Ive lost the one i love, and it was myfault, we were having so many problems and one day i just couldnt take it anymore, it hurt so much to feel what we had slip away and not being able to do anything about it, so one day i just said goodbye and didnt speak to him anymore. I really miss him. and i cant bear to say it, He was so special to me, caring, kind, sensitive, everything you would ever want. but i still pushed him away
ahh. i just needed to get that out. I fell like ive not got anyone to talk to anymore, its hard..just feels like so many things are piling on top of me..I feel so numb, something ive not felt in a long time and i keep thinking about cutting. Its been two years and im trying my best to not go back to it..
Last edited by SnowCloud : 11-06-2007 at 10:57 PM.
Reason: adding to the end
Honey, I'm so sorry that you're under so much stress right now! That's great that you haven't cut for two years! You can get through this without going back to it.
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Thats not the worst part, the hardest part is watching my brother be so much more effected by it all than i am, I love him to bits hes the best thing i have here, but its so hard seeing him get upset. I worry about him so much
That must be really hard to watch. I'm sorry that I can't be of much help here. All I can think of is have you talked to him about this? Maybe you could show him positive ways to cope, if he hasn't already found some. Just talking to him about it, and making sure he knows he can talk to you probably would help more than anything.
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I need to get certain grades so i can go to the uni i want, i am so afraid i wont get what i need, mixed with everything else, my parents, my brother, two faced friends, Ive had little sleep the past few days because my parents have made me work even while i have exams, and i dont get home til aorund 11-midnight and have to wake up at 6-7am the next day for an exam
*cuddles you* I know what that's like. I honestly don't know what to say, other than it will pass. You will get into a uni, even if it's not the one you want, and you will find ways to make any uni work. (by the way, my friends told the exact same thing to me a few weeks ago and I wanted to slap them, so feel free to disregard this) Seriously though, you will be happy and you will get a good education anywhere. A lot of it depends on how much effort you put into it. I'm sorry you have to work so much when you're trying to study! I know you must be angry at your parents. This will be over soon. That's the only good thing about exams- they come whether you're ready or not.
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I really miss him. and i cant bear to say it, He was so special to me, caring, kind, sensitive, everything you would ever want. but i still pushed him away
*massive hugs*
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ahh. i just needed to get that out. I fell like ive not got anyone to talk to anymore, its hard..just feels like so many things are piling on top of me..I feel so numb, something ive not felt in a long time and i keep thinking about cutting. Its been two years and im trying my best to not go back to it..
You can PM me anytime about anything. I'm sorry you feel numb again- i hate that- but you don't need to cut to get through it. You will feel again in time. I'm sure the exams are adding a lot of stress, and once they're over, you'll be able to cope better again. You can get through this without cutting! *cuddles*
The following content has been hidden - Reason : trigger?
I won't be on RYL much right now because I'm REALLY triggered, but I'm safe... so don't worry...
