Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Near loss of a friend..

[Lindsey]

I've known this girl for a while, online, but we've met. She's part of another forum that I go on. We were friends but not overly close, until she posted a worrying message about being down on this forum.

I messaged her and we've been talking for over a week about SI, OD attempts, etc. She'd tried to kill herself twice before, but she said talking things through with me helped. Other people on the forum knew she was down, but knew nothing of the SI and suicide attempts.

I went away to a friends 2 nights ago. When I came home, I had 3 emails. One from this girl saying she was feeling really low and needed to talk, the next saying that she'd tried to speak to several people and no-one was online and she tried ringing the doctors and no-one was there either, so she planned to take the pills she'd bought earlier. It wasn't a nasty message, she said I was a good friend and she appreciated me trying to help her.

The third email was from another friend, to let me know she'd been sectioned for trying to OD.

I can't help feeling guilty, I know logically it wasn't my fault she did it. But I feel awful. My other friends that know her are saying all these things about her, how she must be a very troubled girl, and now she's in a hospital she can get the help she needs.

This was her third time trying, she's been in and out of pyschologists for years and she feels no-one can help her. Other people don't know the full story and it really bugs me that they're telling me they understand how I feel but they don't.

I'm getting angry on her behalf, because we're so similar, when people say these things about her it feels like they're talking about me.

I'm shutting everyone out at the moment because a lot of people have even said "if the silly girl wants to kill herself, let her". I can't bring myself to speak to people I'm very close to because everything they say seems patronising and meaningless.

I don't want to believe that she is the only person that can help herself, because she doesn't want to help herself anyomore

[nightlymadness]

First off *hugs* and sorry if I sound patronising or anything, I don't mean to.
Mm I'm not gonna say I know how you're feeling, but I think I have a good idea. Suicide is scary as hell, and, right now, I can really relate to the last thing you said.
Luckily, this girl has said that talking to you helps. Were you and she close before when she tried to get help? Maybe the extra support of having a friend like you will be enough for her to start to get better? Never underestimate the power of just being there for someone. Even if you feel powerless and like you aren't doing anything to help, you probably are.
Can you explain to the people around you that it annoys you when they talk about it? You could just say you don't want to talk about it or something..
Also, look after yourself.
Sorry, I'm a bit useless, but I hope your friend gets better.

[Stellata]

How're you feeling about this now?

[Lindsey]

A lot better thanks guys.

She got out of hospital and has been able to speak to me about it, and she is going to really try for help this time. After being locked in a secure facility with drug addicts and "really crazy" people it's terrified her.

[blondiebear]

Your friend is the only person who can decide that she wants help. You can't force it on her. You can't save her if she doesn't want to be saved.
Now that she's asking for professional help and other help, you get to be a friend and support her while she does. The best thing you can say to her is "I'm listening" then listen. And hug and cuddle her as much as she'll let you.