Triggering (Suicide) - Date for suicide, paranoid delusions, memory confusion *OD*

I didn't want to make more than one thread. I didn't really want to make this one. I had one in vets, which I deleted because I felt like a fraud, a liar, pathetic, worthless, stupid, etc, due to some of the things that were said.

Ok, so.


Suicide Dates.
I have a date. I'm sorting out everything so that it's ready and easy for my parents to deal with. But I don't want to die, I feel pushed into it.

I wondered what other people do in the run up to their dates, and then what they do on their dates?

I have this vague idea of taking a mitful of sleeping tablets the day before to keep me safe through it, because, like I said, it's not actually something I want.


Paranoid Delusions
My doc said I suffer from paranoid delusions. Just wondered if anyone else did and how do you deal with it?


Memory
I keep doing things and then forgetting where I am, or what I'm doing, or how to do something really obvious (like driving, making a cup of tea, stuff like that). It's increased greatly since Christmas (since things have got infinitely worse), and I actually feel crazy. I can be driving along and then suddenly forget where I am and where I am going, or I'll get in the car and forget what to do next and just sit and stare and things. Again, just wondered if this happened to anyone else, and again, how you deal with it?


This whole post looks like I'm just trying to find that I'm not alone, which wasn't what I was going for when I started, but was apparently what my brain needed. I just feel very isolated, alone and confused, so anything would be great.

Thanks in advance, and apologies if I delete this, I have a habit of doing that, but at least it will retrieve a more worthy post to this page.

[Ami]

Suicide dates .. i knwo exactly what you mean. i went around a friends and stayed there all day and done something fun.

x

I remember that day. It clearly worked going round your friends house, which is great.

That's not an option for me I wish it was but, quite simply and pathetically, I have no friends.

[Ami]

*hugs*

do you enjoy doing anything? what do you doctors say? xx

My doctors told me to call the Crisis team, but once I get to that date, that will be too late, hence why taking an OD the day before would keep me safe from myself.

My doctor knows, they are not bothered. They are just pretending to do stuff towards making me ok but really they want me dead.

Once I get an idea in my head I have to go at least some way to following it through because otherwise I dissociate and do it anyway. :| So I have to find either a, a compromse, or b, a way to be safe.

[musik-addikt]

I know what you mean about the memory thing - i can get in my car and forget where i'm driving and just end up pulling over and getting out my map to find out where i've ended up.

I'm sorry I'm not alone with that one. It's scary isn't it. I don't get out my map though, I just randomly drive until I either remember or recongise something.

[Liandre]

Me to on the driving and memory thing. I used to forget my appointments a lot, or show up on the wrong day, now I keep them in my cell phone. It does the job by annoying me. Once I was driving a a stick on the freeway, and I suddenly forgot how to use the pedals!! I almost hit the car in front of me. I hit a car once and we figured out that it was one of my medications. I had to pass a safety test to keep my license, and I was able to ace it. ~~~Liandre

[Snow White.]

Hey darling,

Suicide dates; I'm familiar with that. Honestly, you need to tell someone. I know you said you've talked to your doctors but you need to tell them again and again that you're not safe and you need their help to be. Have you considered a short admission in a hospital to keep you safe?

As far as the actually day goes, screw it up! Get rid of what you need to complete it, interrupt your day, have a marathon RYL-chat session; just, keep busy, avoid anything to do with your plan. Maybe even, the fact you don't want to do it will come in and you will somehow stop yourself. Suicide is a strong and powerfully hard thing to do, if you don't want to, it's going to be very difficult. Hell, even if you want to it's hard.

Honestly though, please try and reiterate to the people around you that you need help.

And my memory is shocking, I black out and forget things all the time. I don't know why, though, sometimes I think it's just because I am preoccupied with too much in my mind. I know how you feel, though, you're not alone.

Please, be safe. You can get through this.
xoxoxo
Aimee.