so there we are havin a really good evening with my brother and random mates and after they're all gone we start talking about sex.
big ****in mistake.
i mention that a big part of it is him enjoying it and if i feel like he's not so much then it takes a lot away for me too and he insists that thats no excuse to say no and when i DARE mention that sometimes, yeah i'm not so up for it n he keeps trying n i give in then yeah i usually end up enjoying myself anyway. and in an atempt to lighten the mood i say "yeah well thats just the difference between men and women, men generally want it all the time n it's a runnin joke with the girls that it's such an effort sometimes"
the operative word here is "JOKE"
he goes storming off outside the pub for a smoke. so i follow and try to explain but no, he's having none of it, i'm so very in the wrong and when i walk at normal speed he trails behind, so i slow down,(dont wanna be accused of storming off) so he charges off ahead, and when we get home he boots the back gate so i wandered off round the block to cool off instead of biting back and laying into him. i come back and he's locked the door and gone to bed and we've not spoken yet and i don't really want to now.
i ****ed up.
i went to the fridge, got a drink, and i think in an effort to not cry (cried enough over him of late) i cut
a lot. 16 days down the pan. once i started i figured i already ****ed up so why stop, so i kept on cutting.
so yeah, thats the basic idea behind this ramble.
is it just me or do other women sometimes have sex just to avoid the argument if they don't? i can't blame it all on him, this pretty much goes back to my first ever boyfriend and has been the same with every guy i've been with since.
Is it them bein unreasonable for expecting it whenever they feel like it or is it really that its all i have to offer and its the only reason they bother with me?
well that was some rant. i guess i just don't wanna go to bed cos thats where he is.
