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Triggering (Suicide) - i'm such a f ing retaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard
i feel like crap. i was going to tell my therapist how i was struggling but i failed totally to do the sensible, light-and-breezy thing i go for, and she worked out i was suicidal and told my mum and now i'm going to be taken to and from all my classes again and i have to see the psychiatrist at CAMHS on monday. it'll only be for 20 minutes, what's the ****ing point? he can't do anything. mum said my therapist thought i should be prescribed anti-psychotics. i don't know why, i didn't tell her about the voice.
i did the wrong thing, i was so scared of doing the wrong thing, i just didn't know if dieing or living would be the wrong thing. now i know telling someone was the wrong thing and i'm a terrible person and i'm gonna be sent to hell and i don't want to be here and my mum searched my room so i had to hide my blades, and i'm not meant to be SHing, i swore i wouldn't, not during lent, and i haven't cut, though yesterday and today i've hurt myself otherways, but now i need to hurt and hurt, punish myself for this evil thing i have done.
i don't want this i don't want this i don't want this. shut up bitch no one cares what you want shut the hell up before i smack you one. i'm going to make you hurt, more than ever before so that everyone can see how much of a **** you really are. and it'll be all because of me and it wil be like you never existed and that's more than you can hope for so you'd better thank me bitch.
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