I have had a rough time this weekend. All my own fault.
I got to the point where another minute was too much. I got hold of some pretty dangerous meds and took them whilst in a lovely secluded park, I want to die in a quiet place with Mother Earth. But I then felt myself being lifted and it was all weird and I could hear what they were saying but couldn't respond. I heard them say they had called Guys hosp in London and said that what I had taken was fatal and I had twice the fatal dose all they could do was make me comfortable. My GCS was 3. And I just wanted to drift away into death and I felt happy as I felt this soft pulling feeling.
Next thing I knew I was in intensive care unit on a ventilater. They kept me on it til I was more awke which took ages. I had a femeral artery canula and 3 canulas in the femeral viens on other leg with about 8 access lines all being used to pump in various things.
The NG tube was my big hate as once off the ventilater they said if I didn't eat they would keep the tube in and feed me thru that. So I had a small plain salad as that less cal than the shit they would put in tube.
So that was fri,sat and sun and this pm I walked out as I fear the physc team would wanna put me ip.
The hosp called cops saying they worried bout me. I heard door go so I hid and the cop got in and didn't se me and left... BUT... He took the door keys and I was locked in my home! lol I called cops and was furious! I said bring them back before I climb out my second floor flat! I am now with keys.
Head is a mess and I have no idea what to do. I can barely talk and my throat is so sore from the tubes. And so so tired. Can't describe how I feel.
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
Hunny, I am really sorry you've been through that. All I can say is, maybe it just isn't right for you to go right now. Maybe this is the time to get yourself better, and tae care of you, get on with life.
I don't really know what else to say. I'm not really in a great place to give any advice. Just please take care hun. This world would be far worse off without you. *hugs* Get some rest.
Stay safe.
xxx
I'm so sorry you had such a weekend! I wish I could be there now to hold you! Maybe ip would be a good place for you right now? Please let them help you. We want you here! *cuddles*
The following content has been hidden - Reason : trigger?
I won't be on RYL much right now because I'm REALLY triggered, but I'm safe... so don't worry...
hi hun!
your weekend sounds dreadful!?!?
i wish there was something more i could do to help.
i suggest that maybe you go to live chat or something so that you can have a proper chat with someone who knows what they are talking about!
im pretty sure you wont feel like this forever!!
take care,
chin up
katy
x
I'm sorry to hear you've had such a horrible weekend, it really does sound awful. You must have been feeling dreadful to take that overdose & it sounds like the hospital were genuinly concerned about you, and the police. I can understand why you wanted to discharge yourself and not speak to the psych team but you do need the help & you could tell them you want to try other options before in-patient treatment. You don't want to keep going through similar weekends like this one, you deserve some help & you need to speak to someone from psych about that.
We are all here for you on RYL, please keep talking to us if you can't face talking to others =]
hey darlin
im really sorry your weekend was so rough.
Just get some rest, have a nice warm bath, make yourself comfortable and just curl up with a book or a movie or something relaxing, and just take it easy for a few days.
I am so sorry to hear about your weekend... sounds awful! I just want you to know there are people out there who care and who have been there as well! are you getting any support? feel free to private message me at any time.
Thank you so much for the replies and support.
I have spent the day trying to get nerve to call CPN, but I couldn't. I feel that this isn't just gonna ease. If I could take pills now I wold but I think my body would reject them after last friday. I just need time or other options.
If I could go IP I think I would agree. But my shrink is usually NO lets treat you at home.
Mainly cos my ED could never be adressed at that hosp so they saw it as unhelpful. But this is the depression and the need to die.
My Dad is trying to get hold of me and I just turn my phone off. I can't handle the simple things right now. Taken me hours to turn on pc to get here.
And I still haven't got my voice back! And throat is so sore.
Someone slap me
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
*holds you tight*
Hey sweetheart, I know things are bad at the moment, but please remember they can get better.
Talk to your shrink and say that you think that you need to go IP?
Seriously, we care about you and we want you to get the help you seem to need right now.
Love and hugs.
PM me if you need/want to xxxxxxxx
For what it's worth it was worth all the while. I hope you had the time of your life...
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh; I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
~ ddoouubbllee lleetttteerr tthhrreeaaddeerr
~ honourary emma
~ honourary katY [Kat*Y* with a *Y* Club]
You don't deserve a slapping sweetie. It is really hard getting the nerve to call for help, like your CPN and I'm sorry your psychiatrist is anti-IP. I can understand why they say that sometimes but like you said, this isn't your eating disorder - it's about wanting to die and I wish they would recognise that.
Please try & call your CPN. You deserve the help & I your CPN will be greatful that you called. If you can't face your CPN could you pick up the phone to your Dad? Maybe ask him if he could ring your CPN and explain the situation, then your CPN could contact you?
I called my CPN she is off sick. I have app tomo so hope she is back.
GP was fully booked. So I have to wait.
Spent the day not knowing what to do or where to go. I went for walk but ended up crying so came home.
GRRR
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
And now I found out my shrink is a criminal... See thread in gen support
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
