So i'm having plastic surgery to remove the scars on my wrists. 10th of April... and i'm scared. I've had operations before and stuff but the surgeon (he was a lovely guy) said the scars may come back. I said one of the main reasons i want it done is to remove all the scar tissue itself cause i got told it goes down to the bone and if I ever did anything to them again i'd be in deeeeeep doodoo. So yeah, it sucks just a tad cause like... all of a sudden i want to cut. You know... after i've had the surgery there's no going back. I couldn't do that to myself. Nor to my fiance or my parents who are paying for me to have this done. I asked them and they were so shocked that that was what I wanted! But I DO want it. I want it for me. The scars will never truly go. But at least with this surgery I have a chance for them to fade. As they are now it could take up to ten years for them to fade! So yeah... i don't even know why I'm writing this... maybe it's because I want someone else to feel sorry for me too lol i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself :P plus i'm out of diazepam and i'm wanting to sleep. My fiance is away for the night. My kitten is being entertaining though... stealing my rings which are off right now and is now currently sitting on my back (i'm lieing on my bed) and cleaning my hair... so yes. Please feel sorry for me so I can feel better about feeling sorryfor myself....
SOrry this post is such a waste of time. Just need support I guess...
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
hey hun, I am sorry you want to SI now but I guess it is a fairly natural reaction to suddenly realising you won't do something again. Your kitten sounds really cool though.... is it a girl or boy (sorry I have a slight cat thing lol). I hope things go ok for you with the surgery, this is the proper opening of a completely new chapter of your life. One filled with opportunity, love, hope and happiness- celebrate that. Hope you are ok
My kitten is a little girl (4 months and 1 week) she's currently curled up between my legs and my pillow. I'm sitting cross legged now and she's curled up cradled between the pillow and my legs. on her back. so she's facing up. looks so cute!
Thanks for the reply :)
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
hehehe georgie (my kitten) does that with... anything she can pick up. this includes a stuffed toy dog that is about three times her size. she drags it along... so funny...
again, thank you so much. it means alot that i can still come and get help even though i'm 'stopped' harming
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
honey your posts are not a waste of time. no ones is. everyone deserves support even when they have 'stopped'.
sweetheart look how far you've come. if you SI now, even though you want to, you'l feel absolutely AWFUL afterwards! i can understand why you want to though. it's basically your last chance to do so. but you can fight the urges though. you've made it over 18months! you can make it another month and a half. just keep fighting. and if you feel you are going to SI say this to yourself until you dont feel like you're going to:
"I am Jess. I can get through this!! I can be the person i want to be! I can beat this! I can get through this!!!"
your advice works on me so it should work on you!
best of luck on the surgery hun. i think you're doing a great thing for yourself and i'm proud of you. keep up the brilliant work *huggles*
wow plastic surgery - what a brave step to take, hope it all goes well. it may seem scary but it will be worth it - and it will give u a great motivator for afterwards. never be worried about writing here, no matter how u feel. u're bound to feel urges - thats natural, u just need 2 tell urself its ok to have them and remind urself that you can overcome them. good luck with it.
x
ps those kittens sound so cute!! i have a pet ferret who makes me chuckle - she steals my rubber toy duck and hides it in different places around my room! nutter.
it is truly amazing that you have made this step Jess.
and its really inspiring to me.
i have so much faith in you.
and i believe you will feel "liberated" after this.
*reassuring snuggles*
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
wow that's really exciting! i think this will be a really great thing for you and a huge step forward.
at least for me, a lot of the attraction to si is a control thing i think, and just knowing that i can do it and having that control and connection to it. i think that's why i always have my tools with me and know where they are and to this day have never been able to throw an old tool out. anyway, maybe part of what makes this a little bit scary for you is feeling like you are giving up some control and doing something that sort of permanently keeps you from SIing to a certain degree. remember that this is a good thing, that you don't need SI anymore and that you never actually needed it, and that this is your choice and you are still in control!
good luck Jess this is a really great thing!
xxxooo
what a terribly [and terrible] long way you have come jess
you deserve the 'slate wiped clean'...you've paid your dues, its time,for you,to le it go
be there with you luv
luv ya
romp
Thank you all for the replies lovies! It means so much to me that people hear and understand!
Yes my kitten is cute and crazy! She will attack anything that moves... or doesn't move and just a moment ago she fell of the window sill! She is helping me through so much.
Thank you all again!!!!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
