Triggering (Substance Abuse) - 13+ months free...now...

destroy-!!!-infinity · 26-02-2008, 04:24 AM

coke. it doesn't seem that bad. but i know this isn't what it will be like if i fall into this again. i'm in love with a great woman, we just moved in together, she understands my SI and she's helping me drink less. but she doesn't seem to understand how much this drug ruined me at one point.

maybe i'm just not being honest with her...maybe i wanted to try it again to see if i could do it without thinking i was having a heart attack...or know i'm having a panic attack.

it just feels okay right now. that never lasts.

this is a rant and belongs in the rant forum.

why am i even posting this...i never post anymore.

i'm okay.

destroy-!!!-infinity · 26-02-2008, 05:11 AM

well. there's always this:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wR3xdLSC--g"]YouTube - SlagsmÃ¥lsklubben live @ NBC GIGA[/ame]

makes dance happen!

blondiebear · 26-02-2008, 02:40 PM

Can you take your girlfriend to an open meeting of Narcotics Anonymous? As she hears other peoples stories she'll have an idea about what could happen to you. You might even just get a copy of the NA book about the steps and experiences.

Tell your girlfriend what you've been through. If you're not comfortable talking to her about it, write about it then print it out and give it to her.

Please don't go back to using coke. That stuff is dangerous and expensive. You said you'll have a panic attack or fel like you're having a heart attack. Do you really want to feel that way? You deserve better than that. You are doing so well. Keep taking care of yourself so you will be a better person. That way you can take care of her even better too.

I went to an aa meeting on Valentines Day. As I said to one of the other people there, if i'm not sober, i don't have a marriage. If I'm not sober, I don't have a life.

*gives your had a reassuring squeeze*