Triggering (SI/ED) - Some poems that sum me up at the mo...

[Sian]

Pain Relief


I hate myself
I want to die
I want to cut
To bleed
To cry
I want to hurt
To drown the pain
I want to cut
Again and again
To be safe
To bleed the world away
I hate myself
I want to die
But not today
Not today
I want to cut
To bleed
I need a release
To bleed
My relief

[Sian]

The Beast


She is your beauty
And she is your beast
She is the reason
Your heart still beats
You can not deny her
You can not let them win
When she demands it
You must give in
You can be weak
For she will be strong
She shall make you lovely
She'll help you belong
And if you should fail
Then that is okay
For she shall be there
To take your shame away
She is your beauty
And she is your beast
She shall be there
When you heart stills it's beat

[Sian]

False Friend


Disgusting, disgusting
Repulsive and Fat
I shall love you no more
While you look like that
You, who are not worthy
Of love and of care
I shall give you neither
Until you can wear
The clothes that make you thin
Until you can learn
To starve yourself again
Until you can earn
My love and affection
You can have my pain
Know only rejection
Hate yourself again
Disgusting, disgusting
Repulsive and Fat
I shall love you no more
While you look like that.

[amy.lee.addict]

The last poem reminds me a bit of myself. I know I can relate to that. ALl of your poems are incredible and your word choice is perfect. They definitely fit the mood I'm in right now.

[Sian]

The price of silence


I buried myself in a grave full of lies
I buried myself alive
But I didn't mean to die
It happened by degrees
A bit at a time
A piece less of me
I didn't ask for help
I didn't know how
I could barely whisper
When I needed to shout
So I kept it to myself
I kept it all inside
And little by little
I drowned and I died
Sorrow and silence
They stilled my tongue
Upon them I choked
Until I was done
I didn't mean to die
But I buried myself alive
I buried myself in a grave full of lies

[fadingbutterfly]

Wow there are some fantastic poems there.
I still find it so incredable that we can live through hell and yet from that the creatice juices flow.
Some great work, well done you. Really sorry that your going through a tough time right now.
Keep fighting

Ashleigh
x x x

[Sian]

Thank you both for the comments, they are always appreciated. Here are some more poems...

You Say, I Say


You say it's one thing
And I'll disagree
You'll never see things
The same way as me


Where you say 'healthy'
I say 'fat as a cow'
When you say I'm better
I whisper 'for now'


You tell me you love me
I sigh and look away
I see nothing to love
No matter what you say

[Sian]

Losing To Win


Losing, lost
Numbers drop
Feels like winning
Never stop


Losing, lost
Not enough
Take it further
Lose too much


Losing, lost
Starve the fear
Kill the anger
Disappear


Losing, lost
Fight the pain
Feels like failure
When I gain

[Sian]

Plain Sight


See what you want to see
When you look at me
See the girl you desire
The girl you adore
See your beloved
See your sad little whore
See your best friend
Smiling and strong
See the girl you hate
Who can do no wrong
See the fake smiles
See the fake tears
See a shoulder for crying
And sharing your fears
See what you want to see
But you'll never see me

[Sian]

Lifeblood


Cut and bleed, to live not die
To keep on living this lie
Cut to keep those thoughts away
The ones that say 'Die today'


Cut and bleed, to live not die
Cut and never question why
Pain alone can numb the pain
Just cut and cut, cut again


Cut and bleed, to live not die
Tears of blood to help you cry
Cut until it's safe to say
You can live another day.

[Sian]

Expression

Talking needs a voice
And words I don't possess
Speaking calls for names
For thoughts I can't express
So I have found another way
A way I can't explain
To anyone who doesn't know
That sweet release of pain
Bright red tears it cries
For when my eyes have none
Feeling when I lack it
Calm when I have come undone
There is no need for words
Elusive and hard to find
In the silence of the blade
Is comfort to ease my mind.
You may not understand
The attraction that it holds
But here is a friend to trust
Who keeps secrets yet untold
For when it is only us,
Only the blood and the pain and me
There is no need for thought and lies
It is peaceful and I am free.

[Sian]

Reflection


In the eye of the beholder
That's where beauty lies
But I see nothing in the mirror
Only faded image, faded eyes
I can not see beauty there
So I measure it in other ways
In the numbers on the scales
In the inches round my waist
In the clothes I place upon me
In the way I wear my hair
In the paint which makes me
A girl worth a second stare
But no matter what I do
And no matter how I try
When I look into the mirror
Still nothing meets my eye.