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How Im Doing? Me venting.. Please Talk.
Hello everyone.
Okay... Firstly- I'd like to start off with saying I am not doing so well. I know my heart isnt good from all the strain Ive caused it with my ED. But Its getting worse. Like for example: Yesterday I ate 300 calories for breakfast... I purged it all.... Then 200 for lunch- purged..... then I tried to have neg calories the rest of the day, but failed so I had 200 more calories and purged it too. I cant stop purging.. My throat is so sore, and my glands are swollen of course I know thats what purging does to you..
But I cant stop.
I started restricting alot more today. And I work out alot so that really isnt that good, I know I will be loosing alot more weight, quicker though.
It doesnt even matter anymore, noone really is on my back like they were before. no one really cares anymore, maybe they think im recovered because I had been binging so much? So they just seen me eating and thought ohhh shes back to normal??
Whatever- anyways- I have been feeling really shitty about myself lately. I always have, but now its ahhh.. See when I binge, then the next day I dont go to school. I hate school now, only because I have to face my peers and ahhhh. I dont like it.
I just want to stay home in bed all day, and do nothing.
I feel like such a complete failure though. This year in school- or this year at all, I dont feel like ive accomplished anything. Anything at all. I feel so lazy and stupid. AND WORTHLESS.
Im so confused. about everything.
I need someone to talk to .
It seems like all this is alllll bottled up inside of me and I cant get it out. I still havent been able to cry and its been 2 months. I am so upset, and on the verge of tears, but I never cry.
Never.
I feel stupid
I want to cry. however- I just cant.
Anyways- im going to go.
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