my aunt called today to congratulate my mother on the marriage.
THEN she decided to tell me that i cant see keith anymore unless im with she or my uncle. she has been seeing a counselor and trying to learn about my illness as she says. HER counselor told her that he didnt need to be with me unsupervised.
i CAN handle that part. thats not the problem. THE PROBLEM is that she wont trust my mother or sister or anyone else beside she or my uncle. this means that keith cant come to stay with my mother or sister or anyone anymore.
i want to tear my skin off. i want to take every pill i have. i just want to disappear. IM the common denominator here!!!!! REMOVE me and all is WELL!!!!!
how is that so hard for people to understanmd????
god damnit!!!
so...the reason keith REALLY isnt coming for his birthday is because my aunt isnt ready to "deal" with me yet. ITS ALL ME!!!!! I WANT MY SON TO BE HAPPY!!! AND THE WAY I SEE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN IS TO REMOVE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!
my aunt called back to ask me to "please not kill yourself over this or i would feel awful" awwwww....bless her ****ing heart. i would HATE for her to feel bad.
my world has completely changed with the news of having to move and now this. things have gone from semi-ok to total chaos in 24 hours.
the heavyness is sinking back in. im falling under again and i cant breathe.
and im really sorry for the amount of threads i have atm.....i didnt know what else to do.
thanks.
*hugs tightly* im so sorry for everything thats happening. maybe you need to try and calmly reason this out with your aunt? does she listen to reason? at least you can still see him, be happy for that, look at the positives. i hope things work out..
im really sorry that this has happened. maybe your aunt is just taking the advice she was given, she might change her mind.....its not fair on you that you have to live by their rules so you can see keith,but....at least they are still letting you see him? i know that doesnt seem much of a positive but its a light?
your little boy loves you,whatever anyone says or does, you have his love. it seems to me that your aunt didnt know how to handle things with you and now shes been given a way and shes running with it.
keith would not be happy without you, he really really wouldnt. your his mum and he would love you even if he only saw you once a year or something. your aunt might be making this rule about not leaving him with your mum or sister just to see how things turn out.
dont do anything rash, it could change soon.take care.xx
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
you can take her to court over this. he is your son you have access rights, at least this way they'll be forced to bring him to see you and you'll get more frequent visits. love you hunny, mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
ohhhh honey
you arent the problem and nobody in your family would be better off without you
if anything it sounds like your aunt is being the unreasonable one
what on earth does her counselor, who has never met you and doesnt know your full history, know about you? i dont think any decent counselor would make recommendations about people they do not know so i find that a bit suspicious. and is there a reason that your aunt wont let him see you with your mom or your sister? did something happen to warrant that decision or did it come out of nowhere? if there isnt a good reason for it maybe your mom and your sister could talk to her and try to work it out.
and keith's birthday should be all about him and what he wants most, and not getting to see his own mother just because you aunt "doesnt feel like it yet" is really selfish and also just a lame excuse
BUT the reason isnt you - it's her and her plain laziness. You would love to see keith and he would love to see you and the only person not on board is your aunt - it isnt you and you havent done anything wrong in this situation
i am so sorry that so many things are changing all at once and that you and your son arent being treated fairly
but hang in there because this must be hard on him too and he really needs your support and for you to be strong right now
griddlebone is right - there is still some hope out there so keep holding on and fight for yourself
i am so sorry about all this - if you want to talk or vent feel free to pm me
mand is right, too - it shouldnt just be whenever your aunt feels like it because that isnt fair and i am pretty sure that is illegal but i dont know the details
Hon the answer is NOT to take you out of the picture. To the best of my knowledge your aunt and undle have no right to require you to visit your son supervised (sorry for the bad sentence), and only with them?! You need some legal advice. Your aunt is seeing a counselor to learn about YOUR problems? Yeah, right, whatever. Sounds like one big mess to me... Hon, I am SO sorry. *big hugs*
Please take care of yourself, you are TOTALLY worth it.
Alyssa
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
rach you asked them to take in keith as a favour to you, they only have guardianship for forms and the such, tell them that you'll take them to court for join custody (visits on a regular basis ordered by the court). huge huggles to you rach,
ps chocolate is in the post.
mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I'm going to be a tad brutal honey. So don't read this unless you're ready for that.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Brutalness
You say if you remove yourself from the situation everything will be okay? Well ****ing hell you do that. you take yourself out of your sons life. I'm SURE that will make him feel so much better. You love him yes? Then stop beating yourself up over something your aunt said and FIGHT FOR HIM! They don't want you to see him? F*CK THEM! He is YOUR son. not their son. F*ck 'em. Take them to court. Forget that, go and see him right now. Do they have a court order, saying you can't see him? You can take the cops with you and say they're keeping you from your child. It's not legal, then CHALLENGE THEM! She's doing this beacsue of what you're doing. Nothing. You're rolling over and playing dead. Letting them decide for you what is right for your son. Key word to this is YOUR son. Stop wallowing in self-pity and take that and twist it into self-righteous f*cking anger. Ask yourself this. What right do they have to keep him from you? But also know something, if you try to kill yourself, or even really hurt yourself over this... you're just proving them right. That you can't do this. So instead of saying, i have to kill myself becasue that would make things right, say, i have to fight for this becasue he is MY son and I love him more than they will ever understand!!!! And killing yourself would never make this right. It would just leave a son without a mother. A family without a daughter. And ryl without a rachy. We love you. We'll stand by you. But YOU have to fight. We can't fight for you. We can't make this right for you. But you can make it right for you. Is your son enough for you to fight for? Or have you truly deluded yourself into thinking that killing yourself and leaving a boy without a mother will make this right?
F*CK YOUR AUNT! He is YOUR son!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
erm....
thanks jess.
i wasnt ready for that but i never would have been.
i appreciate your honesty and your passion.
i havent become so deluded that i think taking my life will benefit keith.
it was the state of mind i was in at the time....a bad one.
keith is why i continue to live and fight this everyday and will continue to do so.
im just really tired...thats all.
xx
Your aunt and uncle sound like ignorant people who in an attempt to do "what they think is best" are really making things a whole lot worse. Your aunt does also seem to have the guilt trip or attempted guilt trip wired down. I hope she isn't do that to your son as well. But anyways you could always talk to them about their version of supervised vs. your version of supervised. I don't see why he can't go stay with you and your mom for a few days every once in while. Seeing him would probably put you and everyone else in a better mood.
As well....I really do think that your aunt and uncle should stop treating you like you're completely insane and unable to be helped. You're really just going through a rough time and need some people to SUPPORT you and get you back on your feet. That's why they have Keith anyway right? They're acting like you're the divorced parent that would be better off gone when if fact he's your son!!! You are plenty justified in feeling angry or even going off on your aunt. He's not her son and she needs to remember that because to me it seems that she is losing sight of that.
You are a totally capable person who should be allowed to see your son on your own terms ...not just because the person who is at the moment caring for him isn't ready for who you are. Good luck. I hope you can try to express yourself to her and your uncle.
they are 'trying to do the right thing', but i don't think they really understand. they have no legal right to do this to you, and i think you should fight it. have you spoken to your uncle about it? asked your mother for help? they cannot keep him from you. please rach for your sake, Keith's sake and hell - for my sake (least I'll know you're happy) fight em.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I happen to agree with Jess. Rachel, you have a reason to fight this and that is YOUR son. Work with your counsellor to see this. Your "stability" is all they are looking for. Its what you have to prove to "them".
You can do this. Its up to you whether you fight or dont.
Take care
Matthew xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
your aunt has no right to do this. you have nothing to prove. she's done this on a whim. she has no legal right to restrict visits to you. none at all.
mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I agree with most of the things already said.
She has no legal right to restrict your visits with him even if it was recomended by her counselor. Try talking to her, making her understand...your uncle too. See how that goes and if you get nowhere with them then consult a lawyer and get legal advice so you can make them bring him to you and keep up the visits instead of asking them. Also talk to your counselor about it...but really, they have no right to keep him from going over there at all and staying with your mom. If you have to, threaten them with the courts...and act on it if they force you to. It's your son, not theirs, you still have rights as his mother, more than they do.
"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.
"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."
you know, rachel from half the things you've said about your family i don't think your mom would be your best choice of persons to leave your son with. hell, i think the only one who should ever be left alone with the kid is you because while you're screwed up at least you freely admit it and try to roll with it. your family sees the problems that exist, but push them off on everyone else...i do, as you know, agree with most of everyone's post because i truly believe that whether you win the fight or not, at the very least your baby will know you tried-that can count for much more than you might think.
Gather experience. . . Look at what you should not look at. A feeling of anxiety is the sure and certain evidence that you should do this -Clive Barker
I've never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It's probably because they have forgotten their own- Margeret Atwood
