Triggering (Suicide) - please read! key worker=nasty woman

[surprising mystery]

Last week (friday) I called up the CMHT and spoke to the duty worker, I was suicidal and she helped me a bit with organising and planning distractions, and then said that my key worker would call back later as she was going to be in later.

She didnt. I feel like they gambled with my life there, I know I am in control of what I do, aka, kill myself or whatever, but they 'tested' my coping skills of survival !

Anyhow, there has been loads of other dissagreements with her cos she has 3 common lines she always replies with;
'I dont have a magic wand' (I never said she did!)
'Its up to you' (well yeah, I know that already, and I keep telling you I know that)
and 'Thats how you see it' (meaning the psycho-bpd, disordered girl)

Patronising as hell, never accepts any responsibility for her actions and words, always puts everything back to me (or in this case, another collegue when she said, 'I never said I would call back, the duty worker said that'), and my bpd saying that I am the one that sees it that way.... well!

Today she came over, as planned, and my dad talked to her, she explained that the duty worker had spoken to her and told her what was going on, and several members of the CMHT discussed what was best, they decided, testing my coping skills, leaving me to it and assuming I would be ok was best. Now, the duty worker said she would get my key worker to call back, that didnt happen, not even to tell me what they had decided.

My key worker preaches how she knows that a bpd sufferer will feel abandoned and take things as if they were deliberatly hurtful.. yet she STILL decided that leaving me, against what was said, was best. Now even my dad said that would make ANYONE feel abandoned, let alone a bpd sufferer!

Cos my dad was there, he agreed I had a big point so its not me being paranoid as my key worker seems to want me to believe. She always blames any problem on me/my ways of thinking, and refuses point blank that she may have had anything to do with it. How am I supposed to take advice from a stubborn person like her? when she cant take anything on board herself? How can I work with that?!

I never did like her because she is very negative in her mannor, even my mum noticed when she met her, and said afterwards that her choice of words to communicate were negative.

Basically there was almost a shouting match in my bedroom, dad standing at the door, and her, sitting opersite me huffing and puffing, tapping her feet and being a stubborn mule. Eventually she went, and my dad and I were left talking in my room about what had happened. He said to her, and still maintained that it would be common curteousy to get someone, even just a secutary to ring back or leave a msg on the phone saying that they were aware and was going to leave me to do what I had discussed with the duty worker, but that I should call back if I needed to.

Now this is the big one!... when my dad talked to her, she was a bit more accepting of his veiw. But me? NO WAY. She wouldn't have any of it, kept saying 'thats how YOU see it' Its like, since I am unwell, she can palm off her bad discisions as being the 'way I see it' avoiding all blame and responsibility for what she and the team did.

I am so angry, someone tell me this isnt just the BPD talking, and that anyone, with or without this stupid disorder would feel like I am too.

*screams*

We came to the agreement that she would talk with the team (I suspect she means, bitch about me when I have no chance to defend myself) and sort out someone else,, however she put it as 'see if someone else will take you on' wtf is that supposed to mean,, another dig at how this is all my fault and how I am the one being difficult and unreasonable?


She kept saying that another key worker would be just the same as her, and I was like, no they wont, they wont use the same words, expressions and mannor to convey what they are saying, cos everyone is individual like that.

Has anyone else had such nasty responces from CMHTs where they deal with your bpd as palming you off, not even attempting to show that your not forgotten and relaying everything including their mistakes back to you, saying its 'how you see it'?

I am so fricking angry, I mean, how dare she be so unnacepting of comments, yet tell me I need to change how I see things. pot. kettle. black.

Rant over*

Thanks for reading this. Cuddles welcome if nothing else

*for now

[PaperClip]

When i had CMHT come round after my last OD they wouldnt even talk to me, it was like i was just there as part of the furniture.

They were constantly asking my mum and dad how I felt. Come on!

But do you find when you suggest something they totally dismiss it?

I see where your coming from it can be really frustrating when they think they know what YOU want or know. I was diagnose with BPD but they turned around and said that they didn't like "labels" so they decided it would be best for me, if they changed it and got rid of it!

**getting worked up with how you were treated**

If there anyone that you or your dad could complain to?

(((((Hugs)))))

[surprising mystery]

Thankyou paperclip, well my dad is on my side to some extent, he did say she had some valid points too, like when she said this is up to me to help myself and nobody can be there 24/7, but as I kept repeating, I NEVER once said I expected that.

I dont know about complaining, I just wanna get a new key worker and start again, arguing is just more stress, I will show them my post on here is I ever have to talk about it cos I wrote it moments after she left so they cant say I have poor memory or that I am lying, and besides, my dad was there, so HA! :P

I hate the way they just left me, and assumed I'd be ok, the key worker said to me in her defense 'well you turned up to the meeting with the ED team on monday so you were ok' < Christ, yeah, but thats a tad late to worry about someone when they were suicidal 3 days ago!

Im sorry your team were insensitive and ignored you, it just makes you feel ten times worse, I know *gentle cuddles*

xx

[PaperClip]

Its cool that your dad is on your side, would it be possible to speak to someone higher that her to ask for a new one, that way, she couldnt get in there first and as you put it "bitch about you when you have no chance to defend your self"?

CMHT? - pop!

[Shenanigans]

**BIG CUDDLES**
I hope they do sort out another key worker for you sweetheart, it's pretty bloody obvious she doesn't know how to react with you or reassure you, which i what she should be able to do whether you're right or wrong. She should be more understanding, instead of palming off "it's how you see it" or "thats what you think" She should talk through what your feeling and thinking in a more calm and stress free manner.
I think, putting myself in your situation, I would feel exactly the same way and I do hope they sort out a better support for you than her. *cuddle*
It's wonderful that your parents are behind you sweetheart, and I think that will help alot havign their support in this situation.
Take care of yourself, it must have been so horrible to be in that situation so take gentle care of yourself yeah?
I love you sweetheart, I'm always here, whaever, whenever, you're my angel sweety and I don't know what Id do without you. I will ALWAYS ALWAYS be here.
*more cuddles and kisses and love*
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

[bleedingmenow]

Ive been seeing Adult mental health since last october, though not rguraly coz im having funded treatment else where. But i found through their uselessness that If you threaten to call the PCT (appllies to camhs aswell) rarther than a internal complaint it scares them into doing something. On my first CPA one of the staff thier stated that that people do die in relation to mental health. It is a worrying factor as it seams to me they are under funded and understaffed, and some of them plain useless. x x x x

[surprising mystery]

I am in the process of applying for funded treatment elsewhere as well.

I totally agree that MH services are under-funded, under-staffed, and also that some of the workers are insensitive and plain useless to many people. Its sad that they seem to be a separate enterty to the patient, well, at least with this person, she never attempted to click with me, always said, 'I will never understand cos I aint you' < well ok, but couldnt you at least try?

:( I feel sad

[alienshe_cheesycake]

Oh god, this woman sounds awful!
I've only been in touch with my CMHT for about 4 months?

and I get really really frustrated with them, although it's over silly things,
like I hear your supposed to have a key worker, or a CPN? and I don't have one...or do I? they don't tell me anything.

Also I've just returned from hospital
(been really unwell, suicide attempts, severe SI, pychosis)
and since I've been back (two weeks) they have been in touch *once*
is it just me or is that level of support just not enough?
I'm supposed to be seeing a pychologist and it's been a month and despite my severe SI nobody is arsed basically.

It pisses me off just thinking about the fact that I've tried to hang myself twice since I've returned, yet when I tell my social worker people this tommorow at the CMHT place, they will probably just shrug there shoulders and say "We can't be there for you all the time, you have to put some effort in too"
It's stuff like that which make me wonder how many people have commited suicide because the CMHT were so sh*t.
When I was pychotic and hearing voices telling me to kill myself, I practically had to beg to be put in hospital.

Grrrr. sorry this post is so pointless and inchorent, what I'm trying to say is couldn't agree more!
Mental Health services = ****
(obv not all of them are like this though, the staff in hospital were absolutly lovely, so helpful)

[little_miss]

The adult MH team make me so angry. And im sorry you're being treated this way. Its not your fault. And she shouldnt blame everything on ur BPD. She should be more supportive and understanding. You really need to see about getting someone else, you cant carry on with her, she seems so useless. Try talking to your parents some more about this. Its good theyre supporting you with it. Love ya loads hunni xx

Omg! It sounds almost as if we have the same keyworker, except mine's just left. Exactly the same! Everytime we had a disagreement and came to discuss it it was my bpd making me think like that, nothing to do with her,always my faulty bpd thinking!

[Amelie]

You really need to put a complain. Her attitude is simply not professional.
If anything she is making you feel worse which is the opposite of what she is supposed to be doing.

[PolkaDot.]

Thinking back, altogether i had i think 5 CAMHS workers. Most of them didnt seem to deal with my problem head on which was what i needed, only my school counsellor did that, so not the people that really should have done.

All in all i feel they pushed me away throughout and in the end they all did.

Therefore i wish i found someone who was right for treating me, but you can still do that.

In my area each person has a CAMHS worker has a person who kind of gives you an assessment every few months, i dont know if its just my area or not but speak to him/her. If not talk to your GP.

You need to find a person who is right to help you.

Good luck.