Eye-Contact A short story/story beginning

[LadyMacbeth]

I wrote this just now, whilst wasting time, it's not very good. But I thought I'd post it because it's so different to what I would usually write so wondered what others would think of it.



There is a point in people's faces, right between their eyes, where people avoiding eye-contact will always look. It is the point used by those who are scared shitless, by those too intimidated to truly look at someone. It is close enough to the eyes to convince them you are making eye contact without the fear that comes with looking straight into someone's eyes.


Alice always used this point when talking to her father. There was no way she could look at him properly without all the terror of the past coming flooding back. Everytime he looked at her, she hoped, wished, that if she looked back at him and said the right things he wold go away that little bit sooner. Playing along to make her life that bit easier. She had some silly little rituals as well. Cross her fingers and he'll leave in five minutes. Touch the radiator to make him go away just that little bit sooner.


Sometimes it worked and he left her, she refused to play along and he became disinterested. Moved along to find a new victim; someone a little bit less cold, a little more responsive. Sometimes though he was having to much fun to move along. Say things to make her squirm, just some little reminders of what he was capable of. Watching her obvious terror he would smirk to himself. A smile at the pathetic-ness of his offspring.

Criticism much appreciated. Thanks.

[PaperClip]

Criticism - not from me!!

This is really good, cant wait to read some more - there is going to be more isn't there???

I love the way that it doesn't give too much away, i can pick out lil point of her personality already - a great start!

Cant wait for the next installment!

PaperClip!

PM anytime!

[LadyMacbeth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaperClip

Criticism - not from me!!

This is really good, cant wait to read some more - there is going to be more isn't there???

I love the way that it doesn't give too much away, i can pick out lil point of her personality already - a great start!

Cant wait for the next installment!

PaperClip!

PM anytime!

Thanks for being so nice. I wasn't sure, there was something about it that was just not right.

I do want to add some more, but am not sure where it should lead, I think I will though.

Thanksies for being so complimentary

[ConcreteAngel]

i really like it, jess
i need more!

it's really...thoughtful, and well written.
=D
xxx

[LadyMacbeth]

I know it's been ages but I was bored and thought I would add a bit to this. I couldn't remember the plot that well so sorry for any continuity errors. Any comments would be very very much appreciated.

She knew it was going to be a a bad evening the moment she heard the chair hit the ground. A favourite of her fathers, throwing furniture around. It would start with pages torn out of magazines, and progress to smashing glasses before the grand finale. When he was in a bad mood he was going to make damn sure everybody knew about it. No one ever spoke of it after one of his tantrums was finished. The furniture was duly mended, the glass cleaned up. They all smiled and pretended the fits of rage were totally normal, that the things he said and done were to be expected of any grown man.


It was after her stepmother burst out of the kitchen in tears that Alice knew it was her turn. Once he had someome in tears the game was over, he had won. She heard her stepmother yell up the stairs. How she was leaving, never coming back and going to make him pay . Funnily enough she had heard those exact same words from her mother every single day up until something flipped and really did leave for good. Still she had seen her stepmother put up with enough to know that her departure was not imminent.


The door slammed shut and Alice realised that for the first time in ages she was alone with him. Her elder brother away at a party; it was up to Alice to deal with the moods and the yelling, to pray there wasn't violence. She gazed ou the window for what must have been over 10 minutes before she heard that familiar call.
'Aliiiiiiiiiiiiii' He was the only one who called her that. A nickname he knew she hated. She often wondered whether he only did it to annoy her or was he really oblivous to her objections. She kept quiet and prayed for something to distract him.. A local youth for him to complain at, a TV programme for him to yell at.


As she expected It never came and after 5 minutes of waiting she was hearing the thudding of his battered size nine trainers up the stairs...

[Buttons.]

wow this is amazing-no criticism whatsoever

[Caru y Nos]

WOW. I'm glad i stumbled across this, its amazing!!!

*pets Toby and throws him a bone* :D

I've got to criticise the fact i can't criticise ;] carry on and this queue'll keep on growing :D LOL

[LadyMacbeth]

Thanks very very very much
Everyone is incredibly nice
So maybe I will continue
Toby appreciates his bone
xxxxxxxxx

[Caru y Nos]

Yay, i'm your wonderful purple sheep!!!
I just hope Toby doesn't see me as a leg of lamb :P

Are you planning to write any more??? Pretty please!

Stupendously big writing rules!!! LOL

[Velvet]

I have a criticism... Where's the rest? I was enjoying myself!

It is stunning and I sit and wait at the edge of my seat for more!

Lots of <3 =)

[LadyMacbeth]

This is the next bit. I'm sorry if it's not very good but in my defence it was written at 4:30 in the morning in a bout of insomnia. Thank you very much for the nice comments for the other parts. This is unnaturally small writing to counteract your too big writing Joshua.

Almost everyone, everyone who is a living breathing human will have one of these moments. One of the moments where it just flips, where you decide to take action. The point in your life where you make the decision that will change your life forever. For Alice this point came right at that very moment. When she heard her father walking up the stairs and looked in the mirror. And she saw the absolute terror in her own face and the scars on her arms and had never in her life hated herself more. She hated how pathetically scared she was of this man and she hated that in her 16 years she had never once stood up for herself. And it was this pure hatred that most of us can never understand that caused Alice, little meek innocent Alice to flip.


He walked through the door and for the first time ever she wasn't scared. She stared at the book was holding and tried desperately to hold onto her courage.
'Ali Darling...' His lip curled up slightly as he said and he paced across the room towards her.
'Go away Steve' Her voice shook with every syllable and she dared not look up for fear she would burst into tears.
'No sweetheart. Not Steve. Daddy. And you don't really want rid of me do you honey?' He turned every term of affection into a cruel taunt. Playing a game he knew he couldn't lose.

[Caru y Nos]

As your purple sheep,

I give this a big thumbs up ;]

[concrete girl]

This is great, I got caught up in reading it =)
Keep writing!

[smile_it_confuses_people]

No!! Let there be more i need too know wat happens, u have a gift keep it up

Luv it
Reaxx

[Caru y Nos]

^

Love your user name :P

*steals*

[LadyMacbeth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile_it_confuses_people

No!! Let there be more i need too know wat happens, u have a gift keep it up

Luv it
Reaxx

Wow. I've never heard someone say that before. Thanks it really made me

And thanks and doubly thanks to concrete girl as well.
Now I may have to write some more.

[Caru y Nos]

awww, i don't make you laugh :[

*hides Judas behind Poppy and Toby*

*sulks*

*wonders why you're not on messenger*

*is still wondering*

*wanders back to own creative corner thread*

*kicks Jessica's creative corner thread on the way out*

LOL

*cuddles* ;]