Triggering (SI/Suicide) - i feel like i'm gona try and OD again

[magentta]

the last and first time was before xmas but it didn't work. i now know what i'd need to take to kill me and i really feel like doing it. i felt so god damn low at the mo yet i've managed not to cut or take solvents for 2 weeks now despite feeling so bad.
But today i've got some (edited - solvents) out and i bought some razors and i've got to cut. but thats not enough and i want to die. i feel hopeless. out of touch with my self... but i feel selfish because i dont wanna hurt my mum but how can i help it if thats what I want.
i feel so fat at the min. i keep eating and i was doing so well before xmas but now i'm all fat again :(
i feel ugly and i cant cope with my A level work. All my teachers hate me missing school cus of my constant 'knee doctor' appointments. (counciller and dc for antidepressents).
My mums constantly got the face on with me my only friend cannot be arsed with me and i know these are all stupid, stupid and trivial problems and i know i dont have it that bad but i still feel sooooo low.

i'm sorry to moan and rant and stuff but... i just cant do this any more.
i'm gona cut tonight but i know when i see the doc 2morrow she'll want to check the wound she stitched up last week but i cant let her see any more because i dont like it :(

i dont know.
i'm sorry i'm being stupid and melo-dramatic.

sorry... ...

[lower than myself]

Honey, what's making you feel like this? Can't you talk to your doc & see what she says, maybe make an emergency appointment with your counsellor?

Well done for being two weeks free.

Your not being selfish, it's your way of coping, you shouldn't feel as if your being selfish because of other people. Even family.

PM me if you want to talk anytime

& your not being stupid or melo-dramatic

Like I said before, PM me if you want to talk

Take Care

Yasmin x

[Xani]

calm down.

if your doctor sees fresh cuts, then she will probably get you on the road to recovery with a specialist.

all these trivial problems do build up, it's a part of life - but you can get through this.

suicide is giving up. Anyone can just die, whereas you can keep fighting and come out of the other side. Become a person who helps people like you to get out of these situations. Give life a kick in the balls and don't let it grind you down

[magentta]

thankyou for the replies. x
i just feel so helpless at the min. i used to be something. just 2 years ago things were alright. they wern't good but i was coping. and now everything has gone down the shi*ter. i'm sorry i've just wasted so much of my life and now i'm nothing.
its stupid i know but i've just given up on everything...

[Cazki]

Hello there im very sorry to hear that your struggling right now. But please dont give up you can get through this. Oding really isnt worth it it cause so much damage to vital organs. It will just end up making things worse than what they already are. If you were successful it would effect so many people in so many different ways. Please think about this before you think about oding. Oding really isnt the answer.

I know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Could you talk to us a little more about what it is that has made you feel like this? Its possible that if you were successful in ending your life that people would feel really realy guilty and blame themselves for not being here for you and helping you enough.

Your not being melodramatic or stupid at all. Thats what ryl is here for to help and support people. We all care about you so much and we will do our very best to support you for a slong as you need. it. None of us want to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are. Please put the solvent away and the tool/s away so that your not tempted to do anything. Try to keep it out of reach. The more its out the way the less tempting it is.

Please try to keep yourself distracted as much as you possibly can. Things that you might want to have a think about trying are as follows, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk, posting on the fun and distractions forum, or writing down your thoughts and feelings down.

Its important that when writingg down your thoughts and feelings down that you try to combine both the positive things and the negative things together as writing just the negative things down on there own really wont help you. Its also important that you try not to keep everything bottled upinside you as this will only add to your problems. Please take it easy its important that you look after yourself. Please keep talking to us.

Take care best wishes Ian xxxxxxxxxxxx