Triggering (SI) - Not wanting to do anything

[bethstar]

Today I am at uni but i'm not in my lectures, because i just cant cope with it all today, i want to go home and cut, which is bad cause i haven't cut for 32 days, and i'm trying really hard to stop. I don't even really know why i feel so rubbish, i just want to curl up and sleep until all the badness and pain goes away.

I wish I could just be normal for a bit, i'm fed up of being such a freak all the time, i hate my scars and i hate the fact that i don't really fit in at uni or anything, i want to make friends but i don't know where to start.

I know that cutting works is the problem, i could get the train home and cut and everything would be okay for a little while and i wouldn't have to feel dirty or guilty or ashamed or anything for a little while, i could just let it all wash away with the blood.

I wish I could find something else that worked.

[StillVacant]

it doesnt really work tho. not long term. since one of your issues is hating your scars.
congrats on the 32days...keep it up. these feelings of being low will come and go - you gotta surf the peaks and troughs. you seem to be isolating yourself - where do people eat? who lives with you? go start a conversation. go to the bar. phone a friend. the one thing sure to make you feel worse is being alone, so be proactive, don't wallow in your isolation.
being online is a start - you can clearly interact in a community if you are here, so take those skills outside. everyone is alone and lonely at uni coz you are removed from your previous environment, but you have to put the effort in and rise above it.
i reckon you can do it. HUGS. don't hide in bed all day xxx

[chocostashchick]

StillVacant is so right - hiding at home, isolating yourself, and cutting work for a little bit but after that you feel worse and they cause more harm than good. you do need to find something to replace it, as you said. cutting and all that is a coping mechanism so you need to find a better one and you need to find out what you are attempting to cope with. some people keep feelings journals. do you have a doc/therapist? you don't have to do this all on your own. you should be proud of 32 days, and just think how much prouder you will feel if you add some more! there are lots of great distraction tools on here
please be safe - good luck
xxxooo

[Lora]

I know exactly how you feel hun, I could have rwritten most of that myself. But asothers have said, isolating yourself and si,only work in the short term, and I know how hard it is to not cut, even though we know itis not for the best in the long term.
You can fight this hun, though. I know you can. Try writing feelings down I often find that helps a little, though I know its not gonna just stop the urges.
Im always around if you want to talk, I can really relate to a lot of what you said, I find uni and lectures often impossible, andI end up not going.
PM me anytime
Love Lora xxx