Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Career

JumpStreet · 16-02-2008, 05:50 AM

So,
Here it is the culmination of two weeks. Two weeks which have shattered my ultimate goals and dreams permanently... Lets just say that there is a job that I want so badly... The one thing that I want to do, which I volunteer to do on a weekly basis. This isn't something safe and it isn't something I would be allowed to do if the department or state knew of my depression, how I passed the psych evaluation is beyond me... Anyway, in the last week I have been rejected by five departments, not because of my depression, just because either I was too qualified, not qualified enough, didn't pass the written exam, or didn't get a call back from them.
I sit here torn in pieces. I do not know what to do anymore. I have been trying to achieve this goal for three years now, no luck. Being denied by 5 departments in the last week has been absolutely devastating... It is making me rethink my whole existence all together... I really never wanted to be here in the first place but I thought I had finally found my purpose and I am now finding out that I can't achieve the one thing that ever made me happy.
You might be thinking that I do this voluntarily weekly, yes but I risk my life for nothing. It was for the experience... I don't have a job and my unemployment does not pay the bills... I don't want to make this really long. I just don't know what to do anymore. My dreams have been shattered, my thoughts have been foggy and distant... I am losing myself in despair... I don't want to do anything I will regret, I don't think I will. Yet this does not make it better...
Why is it I always lose... I lost a $250,000 scholarship to college because of depression, now I have lost all hope at my career because I am either too good or not good enough... AHHHH. I wish there was hope, I wish it would workout, but I won't waste my time anymore, as nothing good is meant to happen to me. Even if it was I would get it and then lose it like my scholarship so many years ago... Goodbye cruel hopes and dreams. I will live to volunteer another day.

slipping up again · 16-02-2008, 04:48 PM

*hugs*
I'm so sorry that your applications havent been successful, that must be very hard, especially when you're qualified or over qualified for the position. I understand that its easy to lose hope right now, but you can fight this, you can keep going, keep applying for jobs until the right one turns up, maybe the ones that you've applied for really arent right for you, you just didnt know that, but I bet a job will come up soon and you'll feel its so right for you and you'll be glad that you didnt get the other jobs.

While you're looking for a job in your chosen area could you get a job doing something else,just to tide you over and it will look good on your cv that you're in employment at the moment.

I'm sure it will work out for you, just give it time.
Best wishes Xx

blondiebear · 16-02-2008, 05:04 PM

I agree with Slipping Up Again about getting whatever job to keep your bills paid. It is always easier to get a job when you have a job.

Keep applying. Sometimes it takes time to find the right position. Volunteer work does look good too.

Sometimes something that looks and feels awful will be the right thing. Many years ago I was obvious that I wasn't wanted where I was working but I hadn't messed up quite enough to be fired. I'd been doing research for my thesis with the help of a small government environmental agency. So I called the president of the agency, told him what my skills were and let him know that I was available to type, make maps, whatever. It was an awesome experience.

Now I'm working as a seamstress, totally different from my MA in Geography. When people are surprised that I'm self taught as a seamstress, I tell them I'm making a map of their body on the fabric and then they are fine with my qualifications!

Give it time, it will work out for you.
*gives you a reassuring hug*

chocostashchick · 19-02-2008, 05:32 AM

you are motivated and talented and qualified, so it may take time (because jobs seem to) but if you keep applying and interviewing the job will come
you may have to settle for the not-so-perfect job while you keep applying for and wait for the perfect one, but it will come. persistence looks good on a resume.
just be patient and try not to take it personally (i know that is hard because i have been rejected by so many jobs as well in the last year and am temping right now but this is what i tell myself while i sit on my bed and want to cry so i'm sorry if it doesn't sound 100% genuine but i'm trying and if nothing else at least you arent alone)
hugs
xxxooo