Triggering (SI) - Cut

[zivalover16]

Cut

The Pain inside

grows more and more
To stop it I do the only thing I know how,
I find the razor
and put it to my skin.
I slowly drag it across,
feeling nothing but seeing red
Relief comes quick and I can relax
depending on the day
I may do it once or twice
even up to four times
I know what I am doing is dangerous
but I need it
It takes away the pain and anger
it leaves me feeling calm and happy
at least until something else goes wrong

[zivalover16]

I'm not really sure how to get more than one poem on one thread and not make it too long so I will make the next 2 as a reply........


Sweet Release

I may seem happy
I may seem calm,
but on the inside there's something else
it's growing and getting harder to resist
there's only one way to stop it.
After 4 years I know exactly what to do
The key to relief is in my room,
hidden from prying eyes.
When I'm alone I go and get it.
Slowly I drag it across my skin
bring a sweet release as well as red.
Sometimes it takes more than others
but still,it keeps the feelings at bay.
I clean up and put it away until next time
I pull down my sleeve or pant leg
hiding the scars.
Hoping, praying no one will find out
it's my way to live, my sweet release.
No one knows how I survive
I'll keep it a secret for as long as possible
Away from prying eyes
My own sweet release

[zivalover16]

Ok my last one for now......

untitled

My leg and arm bare the scars of a shameful secret,
After 4 years they got deeper
Not painful but deeper
As of February 15,2008, it's been 10 days since I cut
I've made it longer
about a month and a half before things went south.
During the 10 days I made it through a rough week.
Barley any sleep, my parents constantly on my case
and finding out my nurse practitioner was moving to California.
As much as I wanted to,
I made it through without a new scar.
To many more weeks like this
and I'm not sure I'll make it
but making it through this one brings hope
I have the welcome help of an Aunt, a friend from marching band, a friend or two from school and a wonderful Guidance Counselor
My nurse practitioner is there for me to,
but she is leaving in a little over a month.
I have a therapist
but she doesn't help as much as the others.
I still have a long road ahead of me
but with the help of friends and some family
I'm sure I can make it through
The scars will be there for a while
and my memories for longer
but the nervousness of someone finding out is gone
making my recovery one step easier