Triggering (SI) - I should know better...but I've forgotten...

Mouse81 · 16-02-2008, 02:30 AM

Some of you might know that I deal with mentally ill people at work. In fact, I used to work in a psych unit for teenagers with all kinds of mental illness. I liked that job, I liked the kids, etc. Anyway, my issue is what I'm about to write. For the past week or so, I've been dealing with this bi-polar lady. I am fairly certain she is not taking her medication and is self medicating with alcohol. Now, I've only met her once, that was yesterday. She came in and was completely nice and friendly. Well, her mood was up and down and all around for the whole 30 minute visit. By this time I KNEW she wasn't on meds. Fast forward to today. She is leaving messages calling me every name under the sun and just going on and on. The name calling doesn't bother me, I'm used to it with the kids. What is eating me up is that she has 2 aggravated assault charges, one with a weapon and I'm concerned she is going to go crazy shooting up our office or something...or just specifically direct it at me when we are alone in my office. My plan is to always have someone there with me, but I'm just hoping she stops coming to my office. I mean, chances are, nothing violent will happen but there's always that chance. In addition to all this, I'm being hard on myself because I don't think I handled her right. I feel like I provoked this in some way, but deep down, I really don't think I did provoke it. I don't know if that makes sense. I should know better, people who have such severe mental illness and don't take meds, can be this way. I know this from myself, from the psych unit, etc. And I'm SO worried that my asst. director will be upset with me. I respect her so much and the last thing I want to do is disappoint her because she JUST promoted me and said she always trusts her gut and she knows I can do it. So it's like a ton of pressure, even though she didn't mean it like that. I know she didn't because she knows ALL my issues and would never try to add to them. I think there are deeper rooted issues here and I can't get to them. I don't know what to do and now I'm just rambling. It makes me want to cut, even though I think that's stupid because it's just doing something that I tell my people not to do...so opinions wanted if you've made it this far! Thanks for reading.

blondiebear · 16-02-2008, 03:46 AM

Please do talk to your assistant director or someone about it. You should not have to fear for your safety this way! You did not provoke it. i would also advise you to not even take any chance at being alone with her. Why do people like that not take their meds? Is there anything about her aggravated assault charges that you can use as a reason to protect yourself?

I once had to deal with an informal death threat. Someone I knew from aa and had sponsored was trying to get restraining orderers against me. At the last restraining order hearing, the baliff/courtroom-sheriff kept so close to me to protect me that he was my shadow, bless the gent.

Mouse81 · 16-02-2008, 05:03 AM

Well, I sort of want to have the police here when she's supposed to show up, but then, I can't really expect them to come wait in case she shows up with a gun, you know? I was talking to my mom's friend tonight who is a psychologist and she doesn't think that she will ever show up again. I am hoping that is the case. But if she does show up, I will not be alone with her. My director is usually very supportive and I hope she is about this too. I don't want to put anyone else in harm's way (especially my director, she's like my savior!) because I feel like I did this to myself. It's just crappy. And I'm completely stressed out.

Mouse81 · 16-02-2008, 09:44 PM

I think there will be someone with me all the time with her, especially after the messages. I got to thinking about it more, and I think maybe my asst. director would actually take this case from me since she's been like this. I guess I'll find out on Monday. I am just hoping I'm not in trouble for anything. It's like my worst fear...getting in trouble for anything at work.
I try so hard, almost too hard.

I am not going to make it through this weekend without cutting. I've been trying to not do it for so long that it's just building and building...ergh.

Mouse81 · 16-02-2008, 10:17 PM

oh man...just out of curiosity I checked my work email to see if she has left any more messages. Sure enough, there were two. I could hardly understand what she was saying(my media player isn't that good) but it was something along the lines of how she wasn't coming in to her meetings anymore. FINE WITH ME!! My plan on Monday is to send the police to where she's staying and have her picked up. Chances are, she will act a fool and be sent to a hospital...sectioned for you UK people :) I don't even know if I can do this, it's probably against policy but at this point, safety for everyone involved is my concern. It settles my mind to hear her say she isn't coming to her meetings though.

blondiebear · 17-02-2008, 04:58 AM

Check with your supervisor. Why shouldn't you send her the hospital if she is a threat to you or others?

Casper_Fading · 17-02-2008, 09:28 AM

Talk to your supervisor. I reckon the only way you'd be in trouble is if you tried to deal with it by yourself without help when you're pretty sure you're out of your depth. Good luck and remember you DO know your job. DO what you think is right. And don't keep second guessing yourself!!!!!

Mouse81 · 17-02-2008, 04:19 PM

Thanks! I needed that because 99% of the time, I do second guess myself even if I REALLY know I did right. My director knows this about me and she is constantly telling me to stop it. Easier said than done!

blondiebear · 18-02-2008, 10:15 PM

So, how's it going?

Mouse81 · 19-02-2008, 01:42 AM

oh my gosh...it's going ok. She totally got arrested on saturday for public intoxication! she was in jail all weekend which explains why the harassing messages stopped. she got out of jail today and we notified the court. she will have an active warrant within the week and the police that picked up up for the PI will go and pick her up on this warrant and put her in jail. chances are though, once she goes in front of the judge, she will get continued with me so i'll still have to deal with this!

chocostashchick · 19-02-2008, 05:08 AM

well it sounds like she's a piece of work! be careful - you have every right to be. on the east coast, just this week an unmedicated psych patient brutally attacked their therapist and one other person and it was all over the news, so people with a history of violence who go off their meds really are dangerous sometimes i guess. i hope that you don't have to continue seeing this lady - if she was threatening you is that a good idea? wouldn't she be really resistant if she has already made up her mind that she doesn't like you, if you already have such a bad working relationship after, what, just one visit? maybe you could professionally recommend that she see somebody brand new or something. i just want to say, too, that i really admire you for what you do. i was a psych major in undergrad and i graduated recently and i've been dealing with the whole "how can i look after other people when i can't even look after myself" thing (i was a behavioral counselor for a bit) and really struggling with it, but i like that you are good at what you do and are actually helping people and seem to be so strong. good on you!

Mouse81 · 20-02-2008, 12:22 AM

It's hard sometimes, to deal with these people and all. But really, it kind of takes my mind off myself, however crazy or stupid that is. As for the crazy lady, I don't think she will show up. And if she does, she's leaving her purse at the door and I'm having someone in the office with me, probably a guy. I'll know the day after tomorrow, that's supposed to be her appointment. If she doesn't come to this one, she isn't coming to any more of them just because she has probably forgotten she's been so drunk! Besides, I think she's prostituting and she isn't gonna want to stop that to see me! haha. I don't think I'm as strong as you say I am. I mean I haven't done anything since Jan. 14 but for the past week or two it's taken a LOT to be safe, you know? Thanks for the kind words though.

chocostashchick · 20-02-2008, 03:47 AM

don't diminish yourself!!! give yourself SOME credit!!!
just because it has been hard, doesn't mean it has taken less strength or that you aren't strong
if it were easy to stop, you wouldn't need to be strong, would you?
:)

Mouse81 · 20-02-2008, 04:00 AM

haha thanks! I really feel like I'm about to cave in. Not over this by any means but I was basically told by a long time family friend, like my mom for the past 20 years, that I'm a good person for her daughter to talk to right now. This girl's fiancee just died. No pressure or anything...I had dinner with her tonight. She is now seeing a therapist and she was going on about how she's so "f'ed up" etc. Basically her issue is the same as many of ours except its drugs instead of cutting. It's ridiculous. How am I supposed to help her when I can't even help myself!? But, I guess I do it everyday with these people so somehow I can figure it out. It's just different because it's personal rather than work I guess. ergh.

chocostashchick · 20-02-2008, 04:34 AM

oh, tough. the pressure is always greater when there is a personal connection and you can't distance yourself professionally.
when i was still working as a residential counselor, i thought of it as "do as i say and not as i do"
i have always had an easier time advising other people than myself and being objective with other people, because when it comes to my own life i can't even begin to assess my own behaviors and emotions! it's like another language or something and i have no idea what is going on in my own head! for some reason though, i could still look at other people and understand what i was seeing. so, i guess i am saying, that just because you can't help yourself does not at all mean that you can't help other people. try to remember, too, that all you can do as a counsellor is offer advice/suggestions because you can't force them to listen and follow it. you can't help somebody who isn't willing, all you can do is nudge in the right direction, so if things don't go as you expect it isn't your fault.
i'm willing to bet that you are pretty good at what you do!! you seem really empathetic.

Artychik · 20-02-2008, 07:50 PM

hey just read this thread, I was wondering what it is you actually do?

If you really don't want to work with this woman then tell your boss. It is NOT letting them down, it's part of being aware of professional boundaries, and knowing your limits. No-one, no matter who they work with, should have to be afraid of violence.

I'm a support worker and I know there have been clients who I have had to say I couldn't work with, or at least not when they were under the influence. The whole point of working as a team is that you share responsibilties and look out for one another as well as the client.

Mouse81 · 21-02-2008, 01:11 AM

I'm a probation officer. As for being good at what I do, I try...I can be empathetic but at the same time people can't pull this crap. This same woman called me today. My boss called her like 3x but each time she wouldn't answer the phone. She then chose to call me. I answered the phone not thinking and she was pleasant. It's like talking to two people...I mean, really I guess it is! She's insane. Oh well. She isn't coming tomorrow.Yay for me.