Oh god yes. This rings some noisy bells.
My "supportive" friends decided that I was dragging them down and that I was a freak who made up lies and cut for attention. That I was making them depressed with my selfish problems. And that they wanted nothing to do with me. This was all a few months before we started exams. No pressure there, dealing with things on my own cause my friends had disowned me, trying to finish coursework and stuff all the while freaking out about a new issue in my life as well as all the same ones from before. It was ****ing hard. Two of these girls were my best friends, one I had known all my life. It hurt me so much. But I got through it.
They wouldn't talk to me - so I wrote them letters every now and then. Telling them they hurt me and they were making things ten times harder for me, and we had exams coming up and can we just be friends again.
Now I look back and think, Gemma, you didn't need them to be happy, they weren't helping in the first place and then they made it worse. They weren't real friends. I shouldn't have crawled on my hands and knees to get them back.
I don't talk to any of them now.
Not worth the time of day.
And these people who have done this to you. Not worth it either. I could make excuses for them, they don't inderstand it, they aare scared and worried and don't know how to deal with it. But honestly, they could jsut talk to you about that stuff, not treat you like something on the end of their shoe. Sure hun, talk to them if you want to. I could be (and quite often am) wrong. Maybe they are worth it. But think how this is making you feel sweetie. You are worth more than this. Whatever was causing you to SI, whatever underlying issues you have, you don't need these people making it worse for you.
Move on. That is my honest opinion, easier said than done yes. But there are more people out there, people who will appreiciate you, and care for you, who have things in common with you and that you will be friends with for a very long time to come, maybe even forever.
Honestly? People who you are friends with at school - you probably will never see once you have left. Everyone says it. And everyone tries to deny it it. I did. I was going to be friends with my school mates forever. But I have to admitt it now. It didn't happen. I see the odd one out drinking on a friday night but that is it.
Tust me chuck, move on, leave them behind you. They aren't being fair on you and you need to concentrate on getting through school.
good luck, take care, and if you want to talk I will be around.
Gemma xxx
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