Triggering (SI/Suicide) - I don't know how to cope *drugs too*

[Ami]

Ive just cut for the first time in a while. Fat. So i never forget. Ugly. because i always will be. I feel so bad. I need to talk to someone but i need to wait til next week to see my GP. he said i can ring him anytime but its emergancy appointments only at the mo.

I just wnat to kill myself. I have so many problems that cant be solved. i always feel like this [bar the hypomanic epiosodes] and always will so whats the point? aliens are going to swap my brain, and theyre spying on me.

Im on lamotrigine and aripiprazole. Ive been discharged from CAMHS because the psych decided he couldn't help.

So to conclude, i really hope i kill myself. I just need to think of a way. Hopefully i can do it on drugs to give me the confidence i need.

[here-for-the-journey]

*hugs Ami*
Talk to me angel, what's the matter?
If you need to put it in bullet points or something. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong.
Love you!

[Ami]

* i eat like a pig
* i just dont enjoy anything
* Im scared of going to college
*aliens are out to get me
*meds dont work
*just done lots of things i regret

i know theyre all little but i just feel really rubbish so its blew outta proportion
thankyou for ure reply x <3

[here-for-the-journey]

1) I'm sure you don't eat like a pig. Maybe try eating healthier stuff like fruit and veg, see if it makes you feel better.
2) That sounds like depression honey... see point 5.
3) Why are you scared of going to college? Won't it be an adventure?!
4) ....I don't think they are baby... see point 5.
5) You are obviously not getting the right meds for you. You need to see your GP or a mental health person (psych etc) to help you find the right one/s.
6) Everyone has done things they regret. The trick is to try and move on and learn from the mistakes you made.

I hope some of this helps.
I love you.
xxx

[rockaroni]

I'm not sure how much help I can be, because I'll probably be being a massive hypocrite, but I want to try, without patronizing you or anything.

For a start, remember you won't be in college forever. (I presume you mean 6th form), it's just 2 years of your life, and it's a bloody hard 2 years to deal with. You sound like a damn smart girl- I don't know why it's scary, but sometimes you've gotta bite the bullet and head it face on. Sometimes things will be better than you expected, sometimes it'll be worse, but you can deal with it because even though you don't think it, you are STRONG. I know that because you are still alive. I presume you want to go to uni? You don't want to jeprodise your education for whatever is scaring you, YOU are the most important thing in your life. Do whatever you can to make you you get to where you want and need to be.

If you've done things you regret, learn from them. We all have to do things in order to progress as human beings, nobody's perfect. We all have skeletons in the closet, and things we're not proud of.

Meds aren't the be all and end all for recovery... but sometimes they are essential to get your head above the water. If these don't work, maybe ask to try new ones? It's like the whole "4% of people on prozac become suicidal" thing- if it's not working and it's BAD, they're hardly gonna keep you on it.

And who knows, the aliens might not be that bad. Could end up a mini-adventure!

Also, I don't know you that well, but I do think you're awesome. I'd kinda like you to stick around... please.

[Ami]

Thanks for your helpful advice. I am hopefully going to see my gp on friday and tell him how i feel. Its just so hard to keep holding on when all i can think about is killing myself

x

[Ami]

im feeling really bad. i wish i could kill myself. i hate this so much. il try to see my gp on friday, but thats 2 more days of feeling this bad :/

and if i go on new medication, about another month before it works.. agh i just cant do it

[here-for-the-journey]

Yes you can.
You can do this. I'm rooting for you.
*holds up big sign that says "GO AMI"* :)

[Ami]

Thankyuo.

thanks for your support. its made me feel a little better. do you have bipolar for life?
x

[here-for-the-journey]

Uhh...'fraid so.
Is that what you definitely have? Apparently there are some bloomin' good meds for it. Stephen Fry has bi-polar so you're in good company! :)

[Ami]

its what my gp and my pysch have both said but im only 17, but i got a diagnosis straight away. my psych said he has seen "both poles". i have weird thoughts though. i thought i killed someone before, but now i can see i didnt. and i have been followed by a shadow, but looking back i know it wasnt real although it felt like it at the time.

xxx

[Infected Mushroom]

*will be holding your hand as you talk to your GP*
tell your GP everything, so you can be given the best help possible. x

[charlotte-sophia]

there is not much i can say because i'm thinking the same things as you but what i'm trying to say is i'm here for you rooting for you to get these thoughts out of your head , sorry if it's not the wirte words ive just used. just stay positive and do good fun things to get your suicidal thoughts out of your head.

[Ami]

i wish they would go too

i am just a pile of shite.

[here-for-the-journey]

No you're not.
I think you're great.
Well worthy to be in the same category as cool people like Stephen Fry :)

[Ami]

Awh ... :)

do u know how i can amke these thoughts go away?
xxx

[here-for-the-journey]

Meds.
I hate it when people say that to me but it's the truth.
If you get the right meds you'll feel so much better.
Make sure they're prescribed meds though, no self-diagnosis please!
xxx

[Ami]

I have self medicated a few times.. sometimes its my only escape. Im scared of going on other antipsychotics though because they make u gain weight! x

[Ami]

appointment on tuesday x

[Neon.]

Good luck with that appointment hun, let us know how it goes.