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falling
Today I spoke to my stepmother, I found her on facebook. I haven't had contact with her or my brothers and sister for over 5 years. This was the response I got:
Jessica, Their fine, doing well and happy. As you know there are reasons for not having contact one of which is a court order. I do regret that you and they don't see each other but had to make what I felt was the right decision for them.
After the last time we spoke, and I do realise people change with time, that you weren't in a good place yourself and that it was unfair to ask you to keep information about them from people that would ask about them. You were also very aggressive at that time and I would be letting the children down should I let them go into a situation with someone, not knowing for certain the other persons motives. I have to bear in mind that you may well have been asked to try to make contact in order to get information not just for yourself but for other members of your family.
I also, and you probably won't believe it, regret that I lost contact with you as well as I loved you deeply and am glad to hear that you are to be married as it sounds that finally you have found some happiness.
The reasons for continuing the non contact still exist and so I will have to refuse your invitation for the children to attend but we send you our love and best wishes.That is hard on you as you obviously want to have contact but that would then put you in the position of having to with hold information from people so I feel that it would be unfair to ask you to do that and as the court did order a total ban on information about them being passed to your father it would also be something I cannot allow.
If this message sounds stiff and formal its only because this is a difficult situation all round. I really do hope that you are happy and that everything in your life works out well. I hope that makes you feel a little better about how they are and it may be that when they are older you will all be able to re-establish contact. Good luck Jessica, please let that be enough and leave things as they are at least for now and also for the childrens sakes if as you say you love them.
I'm now not sure what the **** I'm going to do. I just feel so empty. There was hope mixed in earlier before the response, but now I don't feel anything. I even want to call off my wedding because I don't think I can cope without them being there! I just want to see them just once. Even a photograph but no can't have that now can I? I just want to hide in the corner and make this all go away, but I know it won't
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