Triggering (SI/ED) - I don't know.

[xKissesAndWishesx]

I'm so stupid. I really am. I can't even work out if I've labelled this properly or not.
Fvcks sake. Everyone thinks im stupid. Even my bf. I can tell he's suspicious of the gash on my arm.
He should be. Am i going to tell him? No. Because all he ever does is has a go at me. About whether I'm eating enough.
I eat when I'm hungry, and I stop when I'm full. How is that having an ED?
I know I don't eat enough.
I don't want to.
I just want to cut. Slash my arm open. Or my legs. But i can't.
Everyone criticises me. I have scars everywhere. That makes me emo?
I'm sick of it.
Yeah, of course im selfharming for attention.
You know, not because i'm so depressed i cant even cope at all.
I can't cut. Apart from that one slip up, i'd coped from december.
Even if i had ended up in hospital.
I should have failure stuck on my forehead.
I dont know what I want.
A sign to say that I'm not totally worthless.
Although, I feel it.

[Kaya]

You're not stupid; you're really not. And, just for the record, you've labelled this thread perfectly. :)

It can't be easy for you to have a boyfriend that you feel like you can't talk to about things. Maybe sit down and have a chat with him, tell him that you're really struggling right now and him having a go at you about your eating isn't improving things - if anything, it's pushing you away.

You don't need to cut. It sounds like you were doing really, really well - which means you can do it again. Please try and keep yourself distracted if you feel the urges coming on - post in F&D, go for a walk, or call your boyfriend or a friend?

Just because you self harm, it doesn't mean you're emo - however, that stereotype is absolutely everywhere and there's not a lot that you or anybody else can do to change that. It's just something that we all have to live with.

"I eat when I'm hungry, and I stop when I'm full. How is that having an ED?"
You're kind of contradicting yourself there, sweetheart, because you've just said that you don't eat enough - and it's obviously giving your boyfriend cause for concern. It doesn't have to be full-blown anorexia or bulimia to be disordered eating... be careful.

Stay safe.

[Shambles]

Kayabean gave some good advice there. She's right in saying you should talk to your boyfriend. H may find it hard to understand at first, but the support he can give you would surely be a huge help to you. Also, the more you talk to him the more he can understand, or at least try to understand what you are feeling right now. Maybe give it a go? Tell him how you feel and what you need from him, and see what happens after that,

He only nags you because he cares, after all.

You are not a failure and you are not worthless. The fact you are fighting, and that you have done so well proves that. Keep fighting. Don't let society and silly stereotypes get to you.

As for the eating...to me it sounds like there could be cause for concern.
You say you don't eat enough, but more importantly don't want to. And that is the worrying part for me..

Why don't you want to eat? Is there a reason?

Please take care

xxx

[Amaryllis]

Sweetie, I'm not really able to say much right now other than that I get how you are feeling. I feel the exact same way.

[xKissesAndWishesx]

I just think.. I shouldn't eat.
I'm too big anyway.
I look down and i can see rolls of flab.
I look in the mirror, and I see a huge fat balloon.
Eating will just make me bigger :/

[perfection is a flaw]

starving yourself wont help you to lose weight, youll mess up your metabolism, weight loss will slow so youll restrict more and more - untill you cant restrict any more. and if youre really lucky whilst starving yourself you may even put ON weight.
im sure that youre NOT a 'huge fat balloon' its just your mind playing tricks on you.
take care
x x x