Triggering (Suicide) - Why the hell keep fighting???
I really don’t know where to start.
I am currently on weekend leave from the hospital, this is leading up to my discharge on this coming Tuesday.
I ended up in A&E Friday evening following a spate of harming on my leg, A&E then returned me to the hospital, who then sent me back on weekend leave. I have since needed to do other things to myself but wont go into details.
Tomorrow I have a CPN coming to my home to chat with myself and Tim, she will then return me to the hospital with a view to me being discharged the next day.
Unbeknown to me, my sister has just told me that when she heard of my discharge she spoke to two different members of staff by telephone as she was livid. She was told of this meeting on Tuesday with the CPN, Tim, my Consultant and me……WHY THE HELL WASN’T I TOLD??…but anyway, it really doesn’t matter as she was also told that I have been misdiagnosed!!!
I DO NOT HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS. I HAVE BEEN MISDIAGNOSED. THEREFORE I HAVE BEEN TREATED/ADVISED/HELPED INCORRECTLY!!!
Why the hell should I carry on fighting when all around me is lost?? I now give up fighting…Cant say anymore….too upset….am I that different that no one can tell what’s wrong with me??
I don’t give a ***** anymore!!
SOD IT!! SOD THEM!! SOD ME!! SOD LIFE!! SOD LIVING!! I WILL DEAL WITH ME THE WAY I KNOW BEST…SOD IT!
Sorry to me dear friends…..that I’ve not been in touch since being home, but to be quite honest I’m NOT a nice person to know!!
I don’t even know who I am, but again that really doesn’t matter anymore.
I’ve had enough now. Ive really had enough!!
I do want to end this all now. Im tired and worn out.
Love and keep safe
xx rowie xx
Last edited by putridangel : 10-06-2007 at 05:24 PM.
Rowie
My dear dear friend its good to hear from you
hugs you gently
im currently messed up and hangin round veterans psych ward
but i want to support you as much as i can
Im glad your on weekend leave right now, and i hope your are ok with the discharge possibly on tuesdsay. I m sorry you had to be in A & E on friday
you sound like youve been on a journey, going back to hospital then going back home . I hope your safe friend please take care of yourself.
We all care about you and are here for you
I hope your time with the cpn helps you friend, im sorry to that you have been kept out of the loop as not being told first of the cpns appointment.
AND OMG Rowie.
Im so sorry that they have misdiagnosed you my friend, especially for all youve been through, with medications and such, and being told youve a mental illness, when you havent . hugs you close . im sorry.
Im sorry for the distress this has caused you, but i hope you can soon start to move forward once they give you a correct diagnosis.
please try and carry on fighting friend, it may seem lost but you can
find a way through. Hugs you again you have every right to be upset,
we are here for you friend.
keep posting when you can. Im sure someone will give you the correct diagnosis.
please be safe friend please care for yourself, we care , i care about you
Please never worry about allways being in touch with your friends
we all understand that you need to take care of yourself first
we dont think your a bad person ok.
be gentle with yourself, and patient please.
please hold on for you
please care for yourself the best you can
much love and care
Dave
runs back to my safe little room
" Use only that which Works, and take it from any place you find it" Im Honoured My RYL Sons are :)Atlantica, ,Saint of Misery, Stevevaijr
My Adoptee :)S_Pod live help
Im sorry but there is some sort of mistake here! What you have heard or she has been told is incorrect. I suggest you get Tim to call the hospital and get this sorted out.
Love
Matthew xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I'll tell you why you should keep fighting Rowie: Because you deserve so much BETTER than this!
I am angry that they misdiagnosed you, but without knowing the whole background, I can't judge them. But the bottom line is Now that they have given you a different diagnosis they can provide you with different help, that may make things EASIER.
You are ill, don't give up now without giving yourself a good chance to feel better. You deserve to!
I just re-read what you wrote, I think if you have been misdiagnosed it is not because you are not ill, you are and you need their help! I agree with Matthew, get Tim to give them a call and find out what is really going on.
hi rowie....
if youve been misdiagnosed then they will have to give you a diagnosis. you are ill. try to calm down and when you get back to the hospital ask some questions to try and get to the bottom of things. if you dont feel up to that, then ask tim to call today and get some answers.
love you.
xx
"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.
"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."
Just wanted to say, you ARE a nice person to know. I'm sorry they're messing everything up but don't give up hope. Things can still get better although I know how hard that is to believe. Take care rowie darling. Sending you lots of *hugs*
Love Laura x
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
hey rowie, nice to hear from you. you are ill, if there's been a misdiagnosis it will be to help you better, i agree with your sister that i'm not sure you are ready for discharge just yet, do they have some kind of re-hab to slowly get yuo back into routine? the one in our area, you go in every morning so you have less time to wonder and think silly things. *cuddles* love you so much, is this discharge anything to do with oyu breaking contract not to si? or was that just whilst you were on hospital grounds?
love and cuddles sweetiepie, mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Hi Rowie. I really hope you will get a chance to read this, because I honestly believe that in your heart you are a really nice person. I know this not only by the care you have shown for RYLers. I know this because when your son went to hell and back you went there with him. And because you have a wonderful daughter of whom you are so proud with a dormitory full of balloons. I think of that photo and think of the colour, imagination and life that that photo exuded. I hope you can hold on to some of that. Please take care of yourself.
Just wanted to say thank you.
I feel very lost and confused.
And that I dont care anymore,
I just dont care at all.
Not one little part of me cares about me.
So thats it really
You should care!!! Just because you were misdiagnosed doesn't mean that they don't think anything is wrong with you. Then realizing that their diagnosis was a mistake is the first step for them to realize what really is the problem. Please stay safe. Everyone else here cares about you even if you don't.
