Triggering (Suicide) - *scared*UPDATE*

[pea soup]

hi guys...

im really sorry for not being around lately.
things have been hard.
the flashbacks are coming at an alarming rate. and they are physically painful as if it really has happened all over again. ive been in bed for days.

tomorrow is the 6th month anniversary of my father's death. i made a promise to take my life on that day. Kelly is going to help me through it but im still really really really scared.

my state of mind isnt good. ive already had a flashback today and just feel like poo. however, the docs say that all these flashbacks are a sign of healing. so if i can just hold on and get through this, i may come out better on the other side.

my sister called and told me that a friend of ours died this morning. ive known him since high school. he was only 28. died of a heart attack. he was my sister's first boyfriend. shes really messed up about it. everything just sucks right now.

i understand this post could be hard to reply to....but could i just have some hugs please?
love to all.
xxxxxxxxx

[dark_light]

*hugs*
I have those flashbacks too and they are so horrible and i wish i could do something to help you. Sounds like you just have a lot to deal with. I can only really offer hugs and an ear if you ever wan to talk x

[blondiebear]

Hi Rachel,
I'm finding that with my flashbacks, i'm finally able to let go of the awful memories. Sometimes they're strong. In the last couple of days I've had a couple that were best called memories with insight.
I kinda understand how you feel.
I'm glad that Kelly is there to help you.

*gives you a caring reassuring hug*

[battlekitten]

*hug* I'm sorry I don't have any words to help right now, but I'm thinking of you.

Take care love

xxx

[butterfly525]

I don't really have a lot of advice cuz I'm kind of in a bad place too, but you should definitely let Kelly help you through tomorrow. Please don't do anything to seriously hurt yourself. And remember what the doctors said, it is quite possible that you could feel better soon. *big hugs*

[Lora]

*cuddles you tight*
I'm sorry I cant be much help right now Rachel, but know that you are in my thoughts, and that Im here if you want to talk.
PLease take care and I hope you can get through this.
Love Lora xx

[pea soup]

thank you all.

i made it through yesterday. but i dont feel like i should be alive.
im just really struggling.
im sorry.
love to all.
xxxxxxxxx

[pea soup]

ive had 3 flashbacks since yesterday.
the physical pain is unbearable.
im reliving my childhood all over again.
today is Kaleb's(Kelly's son) b-day and im missing his party because i cant walk or wear any type of clothing except sleeping gowns.
there are visible physical signs of sexual abuse after i have a flashback. ive heard it can happen...but it never has to me.
i cant do this. i need help. im frightened.

[dark_light]

Apple i'm sorry you are experiencing these terrible things, i can't really say anything except i understand and really am here if you want to talk.
*big massive hug*
xx