Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - tonight is so hard

shirley1221 · 03-02-2008, 05:34 AM

I am trying to stay safe and when I enter chat I only find people that are the ages of my children. Maybe this self injury thing is something the younger people do more or maybe they just talk about it more.

I am fighting so hard tonight not to do anything to myself. I am having really bad depression and flashbacks and my therapist is out of town for the next three weeks and no she did not leave anyone to cover for her.

sometimes I just want to talk to others about the pain and the intensity of the feelings and I feel really stupid telling my things to people that I have children that age. Its almost like hurting them or something.

I should at my age be helping others not needing help still. It is a daily battle just to get out of the bed. I am pretty sure that this is a losing war.
I often wonder lately what is the use in keeping on fighting it.

Seraphsigh · 03-02-2008, 08:29 AM

Keep fighting!!!
A lot of us here are on the older side. And if I've learned anything from RYL, especially vets, it's that these problems we have transcend age. I know people in their 60's that cut. I think all of us feel like we're too old for this crap :), but we're here to support eachother and that's what matters.
If you want to talk feel free to pm me any time.
Hope you start feeling better and that you found a way to stay safe through this rough patch.
Sending you strength through small vibrations,

D'Arcy

StillVacant · 03-02-2008, 04:05 PM

i'm guessing this is a bit late...but i have been doing this from a kid to an adult, and would be as happy to have talked to anyone about it now as then. i have just gained more experience that's all.

i hope you do keep fighting, as if you have kids you clearly do have a reason, but more than that, for yourself.

HUGS xxx

blondiebear · 04-02-2008, 05:49 AM

I don't much spend time in chat. I'm 41 and if i had kids they would be the age of some of the people in chat. I really get my best support by posting here in vets. It may seem hard to have to wait for the replies but I've found that they are compassionate and loving and supportive and helpful.

I've just come out of a year of having antidepressants adjusted. The process was nuts. Something made my hands shake (and i'm a seamstress) another was sedating...Sometimes I did just stay in bed.

I've been having flashbacks since I started on a workbook for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I've had nightmares that have kept my husband awake and once I woke up screaming.

I think the younger people just may talk about SI more. I remember when I started SI in about 1982 at the age of 14, anorexia was the thing that teens did and was in the media at the time. Even when insurance assigned me to a psychiatrist 13 years ago the closest they could get to my needs was someone who specialized in eating disorders. They a year ago I got a new psych and the change in perspective has been awesome.

This is not a losing war. It is just a difficult one and persistence is one of the best tools. And yeah, it's hard to take the action and know the change won't come for some time and you don't know when and how it will come.

If you have questions or anything, feel free to PM me.
Hugs, Susan

cakeybites · 04-02-2008, 04:31 PM

*hugs*
i think younger people find it easier to talk about things, cos si has become more know about, and it is good for them that they find it easier. there are some of us that are older that go into chat, so don't give up on chat, hope to see you their soon!!

*hugs again*