Triggering (Suicide) - Working advice wanted

Becca · 02-02-2008, 08:48 PM

Hello!

I've been signed off work because of 'depression' mainly because when I went to my GP about what is happening I couldn't tell her. I went on the advice of my CPN because things have taken a serious downturn for me and I'm now waiting for an emergency appointment with a consultant psychiatrist (though my CPN has agreed to go with me which is just as well seeing as I cannot bear to talk about it).

So I handed in my certificate to my boss who wasn't best pleased, mainly because it simply has depression on it but said I should let him know what happens. I then saw his boss, who was a total git frankly. He said I would be referred urgently to occupational health because I look totally fine and it's unfair on other people for me to be off. He showed me a letter from them in December which says I don't have depression and am just a little teary because I do nothing and there is no reason for me to be off work in fact it clearly states I am not to take time off because it's just thoughts and I can definitely work full-time. He also mentions needing a psychologist to find out why I let my health effect me and why I want to be ill. At the time when I saw occupational health I was suicidal (have been for a while to be honest) and crying and saying how my referrals for treatment for my physical illnesses were being refused and how big the impact is on me as a person (working means no hobbies and not seeing anybody anymore because I can't afford it and don't have the strength to do both) - it never occured to me he was telling my manager those things I can't possibly work full-time, even half time is impossible plus it makes me sound really lazy.

I'm really worried about seeing this person. There is no way I'll be able to tell them what is going on with me. Only two people know about that - a supporter here and thanks to printing out that conversation my CPN but no-one else and I can't talk about it at all. I tried with the GP but couldn't. Things are getting much much worse for me. It wasn't a light choice for me to get signed off and now I feel really really guilty about doing so.

I don't know what to say really. I guess I was wondering if anyone here has had similar experiences with people saying you look fine and judging your ability to do things - especially saying you can do more than you can. Or any advice at all really.

Becca

vandervecken · 02-02-2008, 10:31 PM

Please don't feel guilty about getting signed off. Only you know how you feel and if you can cope with working at the moment, and since you can't then you really have done the right thing. Your GP agrees even without knowing everything that's going on, so it's definitely the right decision for you, and your work needs to accept that. The Occupational Health people have no right to imply that your doctor's diagnosis is wrong and that you can or should work more than you know you're physically and mentally capable of.

I do think that you need to try to be honest with your GP and with the psychiatrist so that they can work out how to help you. It's really good that you were able to show the conversation to your CPN, and that they're going with you to the psychiatrist. If you find it easier to be honest on paper, why not try writing out what's been going on so that if you can't tell the psychiatrist you can let him/her read it? If you also explain the work stuff to your CPN and psychiatrist, they might be able to write to your work to let them know how bad things have got for you.

I really hope that the time off work helps you and that they start supporting you! xx

Becca · 02-02-2008, 11:09 PM

Thank-you for the reply. I really appreciate it. I'm seeing the CPN at the end of the week and will mention what is happening with work. I have mentioned it before, though at that time I was coping much better and they said to just ignore it - a part of the issue right now is not being able to handle things (albeit a small part) so perhaps I will mention it.

StillVacant · 03-02-2008, 12:36 AM

dunno what to say kid, sounds like occ health abused your confidentiality for a start - grr.

yup, tell your cpn

you say you have a print out - if you cant bear to talk to the emergency psych why not show them that?? xxxx

blondiebear · 03-02-2008, 06:47 PM

I've had to work when I was depressed and it was awful. Finally a few months ago I was looking at my job history and decided to remove anything that was more than 10 years old. People don't understand. They don't understand when your coworkers are being awful and you just want to scream at them.

People who don't have any experience with depression don't understand how bad it is, that it is disabling. December was two months ago and things change. Clinical depression is related to how your nerves in your brain talk to each other. I hope you or your doctor can explain that to your moron of a manager!

I wish I had more to offer you.