Triggering (SI) - support? (update, maybe trig. for suicide)

fallen_guardian · 28-01-2008, 07:33 AM

I know I haven't been around much, school and work have gotten in the way. But I'm just looking for...support, I think. Ever since Christmas break I've been very stressed for no apparent reason, yeah being at my house for 3 weeks didn't help but nothing bad happened and nothing really bad has happened since I started school 4 weeks ago. Yet I still want to cut so bad, so far I've only done a few small cuts but I'm also wanting to smoke again; I quit about 3.5 months ago. I've even resorted back to drinking almost every night just to get some resemblance of sleep. I wish I could talk to people but it's so hard when you can't even put into words why you feel so bad. I don't know, maybe it's just not worth fighting, it's so much easier to just cut/smoke/drink then try to defend your feelings to people who don't understand.

Thanks for reading, it was rather pointless, but it did help a little to get it out.

Pomegranate · 28-01-2008, 09:42 AM

It is worth fighting and I am sure if you spoke to a friend or someone they would not judge you but rather try and help. I am sorry things are so rough for you at the moment but congratulations on trying not to SI and on 3.5 months not smoking! Please don't give up, you are doing so well. If you can't tell someone to their face could you write it and give it to them? xx

fallen_guardian · 29-01-2008, 12:08 AM

It's not that I can't talk to my friends, it's that I can't bring myself to go to them with the same old problems, they have better things to do with their time. I think though that it will come down to me going to someone, at least I hope so, other wise I'll probably do something stupid.

blondiebear · 29-01-2008, 03:26 AM

Please don't do anything stupid. Btw, drinking to sleep doesn't help it just means poor quality sleep.
Instead of talking, can you maybe draw what you're feeling? My therapist suggested it and it helps a lot.
Hugs

fallen_guardian · 31-01-2008, 06:28 AM

Things just keep getting worse, I've tried to not let it get to me but life just keeps throwing punches. School is getting so stressful, I just found out that I'm probably very close, if not at, the limit of credits I can retake, and yet I still have at least a year to go. The urge to cut is so strong right now, and not just little cuts. I can't do this, I don't want to do this anymore, I feel like I'm only continuing because it would hurt my friends too much if I just gave up and I don't want to hurt them like that. But at the same time it hurts so much just going on so as not to hurt others when I'm not happy. God, I have no idea if that even makes any sense......

I want to hold out hope that things will get better, I'm not saying they haven't, it's just that they haven't gotten to the point where I can wake up in the morning and be happy that I'm alive/awake.

Don't worry either, if things get too much for me, I have my roomie and people I can call, it's just a matter of getting the courage to ask for help.

blondiebear · 03-02-2008, 05:57 PM

Getting the courage to ask for help is difficult for me too. I'm better at writing my emotions than speaking them. For me the phone weighs about 1000 pounds some days.