Triggering (SI) - I hold a beast, an angel and a madman in me...

[The Oncoming Storm]

I've tried to post helpful things on other people's threads before putting my own here. I feel bad. Like I'm a user. I only come here when I am harming. Or thinking about harming.

But anyway, on with the whining shall we?

I have never felt so alone in my life. And it's there constantly at the moment. I think about it when I walk to work. I think about it when I walk home. I sharpen my knife every weekend. I'm waiting, I guess. But I don't know what for.

I miss people. I work in a department of 70 people. I have a flatmate. Hell, I even have a boyfriend. But I never *talk* to my work collegues. And I don't want to tell my flatmate. And my boyfriend has his own issues.

After a lifetime of rejection and thinking nothing of myself, I'm finding it really hard to cope wiht a boyfriend who barely touches me. He's verbally affectionate, but not physically. He also doesn't get that I need to see him, so sometimes he's gone for a couple of weeks.

I feel like this workld is imaginary, y'know? Like everything's kinda in my head. Like none of it is real. I feel like I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

I don't want to SI again. But then I'll know that I'm real. I'm alive. I'm not just dreaming through life. Pain is real.

Jeez. I sound like a nutter. 24 years old, mad as a hatter and pissing my life away.

[Stellata]

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Oncoming Storm

I feel like this workld is imaginary, y'know? Like everything's kinda in my head. Like none of it is real. I feel like I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

I can so relate. I've often felt like that.

You sound so depressed and isolated. I've been there. Really I have.

Although I don't have a boyfriend, I am also familiar with thinking I am nothing, and being disregarded by anyone can sometimes hurt like hell.

You're not crazy, you're human.

[Summerr]

Don't feel guilty about posting, we're all more than happy to help you.
I can relate to how you hurt just to know this world is real...
Crazy? nah I wouldn't say so. :)
Best of luck.

[blondiebear]

The only advice I have is to not discuss this with the people you work with. That will only make your work situation difficult.

Otherwise, all I can offer is a hug
*hugs you*

[The Oncoming Storm]

I'm not saying anything to the people at work. I'm a temp, so really don't want to give them a reason to fire me.

There's so few I can actually talk to.

[Lora]

Youre not crazy hun, I know how you feel,
And you can fight the urges to SI, keep fighting hun
Im always here if you want to talk
Love Lora xx

[The Oncoming Storm]

Thanks.

Sadly I didn't fight the urges that well.

Feeling pretty rank.