mybe trig

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

I feel so empty, i feel so alone. I just want to find myself. I changed so much for him, i made myself a different person i made myself who he wanted me to be - something i promised myself id never do.
I lied to myself, cheated myself, i hurt myself more than he could have ever hurt me, even after becoming a murderer, he said it hurt him more than it hurt me. It my was my body my body not his, it hurt me more than he'll ever ****ing know, cos i hate myself still and i cant even bring myself to tell my friends cos it hurt too ****ing much.
i just want to bring myself to the blade again, but i cant cos i cant ****ing do it anymore, so i resort to drink, but that doesnt help me. if ucking hate myself, im ugly im fat i despise myself i hate it i hate the way i look i hate hte way i am. i just am not happy im just awful. no one should ever know who i am am or why im like the way i am. i wish i was some cheep whore then maybe id understand what happened they hated me. they made me hate me as well they made me into the slut i am today.
i just long to be able to do what i used to do, to harm myself to feel that releif to feel that belonging to feel in control..
not out of control and heading that way...

[Pomegranate]

Are you feeling any better hun? I am sure you are not all those awful things you think you are even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Hope you are ok xx

[kedda]

DAMN!! when i read this, i could easily have thought i wrote it!! dare, i know EXACTLY how u feel about not being able to cut so u just drink instead to soften the blow and have a time in ur life where ur head doesnt race as much n just to get the **** away from those dumb thoughts.

i guess im still learning n its so much easier said than done but its not ur fault u know. u have every rite to trust someone is goin to treat u with respect and love but some people take that as their cue to do whatever the **** they want yet we still insist that that they care so much for us n rationalise this behaviour............only to suffer alone.

i really think u should talk to someone so u dont have to suffer, its not fair! *hugs* please dont be like me n let it keep goin, thinkin 'no one would understand if i told them' n act like n arse when ya drinkin. my wake up call was just recently when i seen a few pics of myself when i thought i was havin a great time when clearly i was so inebriated n just plain sad!

please get some help n keep comin here just to get feelings off ur chest if ur not completely ready. oh yeah n PM me if u like, take care x

[~phoenix~]

Ann, i haven't spoken to you in ages. Shame its not in happier circumstances on your part. You are not, any of those things you said you are. I'll tell you now. You are a talented, beautiful, dedicated individual, and i know when you put your heart into something, you really put your heart into it. There is only so much words here can solve. Look inside yourself for the answers. Love is not supposed to be a razor, despite what the song says.