What is Friendship

FORD · 23-01-2008, 01:29 PM

Sorry if this is in the wrong section but -

Friendship - what is friendship? I just tend to load people with all my negatives and offer nothing back, what should I be doing?

It really is something I dont understand and then I wonder why no one wants to speak to me...

How do I cope with all the negatives - becuase if I keep them in my head I cant cope and if I share them people hate me?

Thanks

FORD

Tears of Solitude · 23-01-2008, 03:40 PM

Friendship should work 50/50. Give and take.

You have to listen as much as speak. I find it hard to make good friends but on here I have found two wonderful friends who are there for me as much as I am for them.

Im sure you can make friends on here. They are a lovely lot the Vets.

Hope to see you around

Jade xxx

blondiebear · 24-01-2008, 12:32 AM

With friendship, sometimes you will be the one taking, sometimes you will be the one giving. One of the best gifts you can give is a listening ear.

Listen to your friends when they have a bad day. Listen to them talk about their interests. Help them with a chore or errand and let them help you.

This is an example from my own life:
One of my dear friends was unemployed or under employed for quite a while and suffered the isolation from being a house husband. I work from home, so when he phoned several afternoons a week, I listened and replied, to his hopes as well as his frustrations. Now in the last 16 months when I've been going through a very challenging time with depression and family issues, he's calling me every morning when he gets home from work to check up on me.
We both shop in used book stores, so when we find something we think the other will be interested in, we get it and give it to the other. My husband is great at finding books for my friend and it goes the other way too. And this works because they listen to each other.

I know i'm way too wordy but I hope this helps?

Welcome to Vets. We won't hate you when you share your negative stuff. Probably one of us has been there and even if we haven't we can listen and at least send you a hug. Just do the same for us sometime?

butterfly525 · 24-01-2008, 06:01 AM

I agree with the above posters- in a good friendship or any good relationship, you should give roughly as much as you take. So if you vent to your friends, make sure you are there to listen to them as well. And I also wanted to add that if you think you unload too much of your emotional baggage on others, perhaps you could try writing your feelings down in a journal or blog instead? Sometimes writing things down lets people stop thinking about those things so much. Just an idea.

butterfly hearts · 24-01-2008, 09:28 AM

You dont have to share all your thoughts with someone you've just met.
Listen to them as well.
When someone is a TRUE CLOSE frined, they will be happy to talk to you no matter what you say, just for the fact that it's you they're talking to. That's idealy though....
Be honest, honesty is always good, people appreciate it, a lot.

Kat xoxo

Kangaroo · 24-01-2008, 11:53 PM

I also really stuggle to make friends for the same reason. When i feel so bad I find it impossible to give anything back. That said, i do have an excellent friend i met when we were both in the adult psyc ward for the first time. When one cant support the other we dont have as much contact.

You are certainly not alone though