Triggering (SI/OD) - About to go to Funeral

[Tears of Solitude]

In a couple of hours I am going to my Nan's funeral. Im dreading it, Im scared of leaving the house as it it.

My family have come from all over the country, even Sweden. Im scared of even meeting them.

At the moment I just want to cut, Cut really deep. I have been good because I didnt want to be put away before the funeral.

I have a hidden kitchen key, because Stewy sometimes he locks the Kitchen where there are sharp scissors. I cut through a vein last time, I know where to cut to do the same.

Cut and go to sleep letting the blood just flow. I hate myself, everyone will be better off without me. My poor friends are feeling bad too and I dont want to be a burden on them.

I lost my Son and went to his funeral, its at the same place. So I have traumatic memories already before I have even turned up. I just want to go and get it over with.

I have already been crying. What the hell am I going to be like by the time I get there.

Im really am scared........

[Jetforce]

Sorry..i haven't got any words for u

But hang in there! Stay strong!

[Pomegranate]

*hugs*, I am sorry you are struggling so much right now. It is natural to feel the way you do, especially after losing some one you were so close to. I am sorry I have no words to make you feel better but things will get better with time. After the funeral, when you have said your last goodbyes you can concentrate on grieving properly and we will all support you as best we can. 18 months SI free is a tremendous achievement and shows what a strong person you are. You can get through this.

Take care

Emma x

[zowie]

Funerals can be so difficult and daughting, I completely understand.

I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you this will be easy, but it's going to be so much harder the more you worry about it. Try and stay calm, try not to think negative thoughts and make sure you stay with someone you feel comfortable with. Someone who will understand if you become very emotional.

Keep fighting against the self-harm. You've done amazingly well, and you are strong enough to beat the urges.

Stay strong hun xxx

[blondiebear]

*Gives you a great big cherishing bear hug*

[MammaMia]

*huge hugs*

Keep fighting :)

[crazykat]

*Huge hugs*
Hope it went ok for you

[Merc]

Oh hunni..im so sorry you had to lose her. BUT you do still have the good memories, and i believe wth time they will be easier to remember.
I love you Jade
you know where i am
romp

[Tears of Solitude]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posted for their words of comfort and strenght.

It was a Lovely Service, and it didnt matter that I cried through most of it.

The priest said out some of my memories I had of her and I managed to say Goodbye to her.

My Nan might be gone but she will never be forgotton.

Thank you so much

Jade xxx