feeling down

[pippa]

Hi,

Don't know if I've come to the right place, I was googling because of how I'm feeling.

I've always hated myself, I've never actually cut myself or anything but have come close.

Today I've had a really bad day. I came to blows with a work colleague due to comments they have made to me. I totally lost it & told them I was fed up with their comments which lead to an heated argument & the two of us having a meeting with the manager. The colleague said they didn't mean the comments the way they came across, it was just a joke. One of the comments over the weeks was, you do come across as being thick, I didn't find this a joke(comments been going on for weeks). I was later talking to others in the office & they told me they were surprised I snapped & will put it down to stress, because after all the colleague is just being the colleague.

Should I have had to accept it?

Now I'm crying & never want to go back because everyone saw me have an argument & will be laughing at me.

I can't stop crying, how do I get over it?

[Mimsy]

You're in the right place. Welcome!

There is never ever any place for someone to feel uncomfortable at work. Nobody should say something that upsets you. Your collegue should have stopped and ensured that you were OK. I don't think they were acceptable.

Take care, Miriam xx

[Snorkmaiden]

Hi, and welcome. I'd say you've come to the right place. I think you need to demand a meeting with your manager and the colleague in question and get it all out in the open. You should not have to put up with that kind of treatment in the workplace. Maybe take a few days off to get your head straight then tell them straight... apologise for blowing off like you did but explain its been a long time coming and you're not prepared to put up with it any more. I doubt people will be laughing at you, they're probably impressed cos you did what they all wanted to do!
Take care, and I hope you find this site as usefull as I have.
Pam xx

[pippa]

Thank you all for your kind words.

Just having people to listen that aren't going to shout at me telling me that I shouldn't have snapped makes me feel a bit better.

We actually had a meeting but the manager said the colleague in question was only joking, words like thick, mard, etc over severals weeks might be joking to the manager but not to me. Maybe I'm too sensitive??

I just feel so down though because when I apologised to two of the other colleagues for rowing in the office & they said that I shouldn't have lost it because thats the colleague in questions personality to come out with things without thinking etc & she's said things to them in the past & they haven't snapped makes me hate myself so much more for being stupid & snapping. When I know the colleague in question's been joking I brush it under the table but when I just keep hearing certain comments it no longer feels like a joke.

I feel so ashamed for behaving like a child and rowing in work & being the way I am just worry everyone will be laughing.

I'm just going to cry myself to sleep but thank you all for listening.

Thank you

[blondiebear]

My opinion is that your coworker is using humor to make jokes that are really insults. You've seen that. Psychologically it is passive aggressive. It would seem that your manager is accepting if not approving her behavior. Your coworker may be doing this to pull you down so she looks better by comparison.

Start documenting what both your coworker and your manager do!

Keep the peace. Ignore her comments. Remember they are really about what an unfortunate person your coworker is.

Is there come kind of labor board where you are. If this treatment goes on, can you report your coworker and your manager?

I don't know what the laws are where you are but start looking for a new job. Your only reason to want to leave is "conflicts of personality" or maybe "policy conflicts." They won't think you're a bad person for not telling them any more. They will possibly think that if you can keep quiet and private and pleasant about your current work situation that you can do the same thing when you work for them.

I've stayed in some awful situations when I should have left.

Please don't destroy yourself over this. You're obviously a sensitive and caring person. Find a place where you will be appreciated!

[pippa]

Thank you all for replying.

I eventually managed to get some sleep.

I know none of you were there but I always tried to be honest & have been truthful in telling you all about whats gone on, so I'm going to try & take on board your comments & try to convince myself it's not my fault.

OH knows about the comments & said it's a form of bullying but colleague is trying to cover it up my saying joking. It's just that I liked working there & my colleagues & seeing they don't see it has bullying & see it has being the colleagues personality I feel I'm getting depressed over the situation.

I am going to start looking for a new job, I might have to take a pay cut but at the end of the day I don't want to starting wishing I wasn't here.