Triggering (SI) - i feel like a freak

[cobinrapner]

I need to let it out. I can't tell any of my friends. it's too big...

So i'm a bi-sexual girl. that isn't the big thing. most of my friends are gay boys and "straight" girls. aka we talk about how we like both. but i'm falling for a really close. I can't stop thinking about her. i'm trying not to be as close with her because i want to protect myself. but being with her makes me happy. SO happy. but then when she's gone, I snap back into reality. it could never happen. i mean, it very well could. we've made out before. silly girls in college. but it was more than once. three times, actually. but i just always want her around. i can feel myself falling for her.

it hurts sometimes. caring about someone who has no idea how you feel for them. thats what makes me want to cut again. just so i can feel something else. and almost as a punishment for feeling this way. i'm so confused. she's one of my best friends. the last thing i want is her out of my life. but i might not have a choice but to push her away. i feel like a freak. i know this shouldn't happen. but i can't help it. at least i'm accepting it. i dont really know what to do.

[Zedebee]

It wasn't too long ago that I was in the exact same position as you and I can completely empathise with how you're feeling. I understand how much it can hurt and how hard it is, but you're right, you need to try and keep a bit of a distance until you're sure of how this girl feels.

You've done so well with not cutting and you should be so proud; I know I am and I hardly know you =) I know what it can be like to feel as though you need to 'punish' yourself, but sweetheart, you've done nothing wrong. You do not need to be punished.

Stay strong and if you ever want to talk about it, feel free to PM me =)
Take care
Zed x

[((deleted))]

HI HUN- YOU ARE DOING GREAT WITH NOT CUTTING- CONGRATULATIONS!

It is a very difficult situation that you are in and one i have complete empathy with. I have been in the same situation so many times and each time i promised myself never again. I hope you manage to work it out- it is a good idea to either keep distance between you and this girl or be completely open with her(risking rejection).

You aren't a freak, so many people fall in love with close friends(whether straight bi or gay), and it can cause complications, but it can also be good.

Sorry this hasn't been great advice. Keep posting hun and let us know how you are.

[bobbiwibble]

I can only reiterate what the others said sweetie - it certainly doesnt make you a freak =) I've been there, I think most people have!!! And it hasn't messed up my friendship with the person one bit.. also he found out in a rather embarrassing way because I was drunkenly rambling at him one day *blushes* we were both a bit embarrassed and then about a week later we just went back to normal.
sounds like this person means more to you as a friend than as a more-than. whatever you do, don't risk that friendship :) xxxxx

[secret scars]

hi i just want you to know i am also bi-sexual and have been having trouble to so if you need someone to talk to you can pm me

[confuzzled]

Zed speaks wise words, listen to what she said, especially the part about why push away when you don't know how she feels.

Do you feel able to go and speak to her about the feelings you have? As if you're pushing her away, when what do you have to loose? I'm sure even if she didn't feel the same about you, at the very worst... i'm sure your friendship wouldn't end over this. Alternatively, could you speak to another one of your friends who you trust?


Chloe. xx

[cobinrapner]

here's the thing. we're living together next year with two other guys. if i tell her anything about all this, it would one, be awkward for her, two, jeopardize my living situation for this summer. but thank you for all of the kind words. it's comforting to hear that i'm not the only one it's happened to. i just hope this feeling fades soon.

[((deleted))]

Okay hun. Keep writing about it if you need to as a way to vent steam. Also you can PM me anytime you want a chat.

Good luck *hugs*