Triggering (SI/OD) - Limits and boundaries

Pomegranate · 14-01-2008, 01:45 AM

I am stuck inside my head. I am behind AGAIN with uni work, I have missed seminars, essay deadlines approaching, presentations etc etc. I have been back at uni a week and already I am not coping.

I think I came to uni to have the opportunity to self destruct without being stopped. Well I got what I wanted.

9 deep stitches and 22 normal stitches on two cuts in the space of three days. Everything is whirling around in my head, trapped. I want, no, need to cut again but I know I have an aim to fulfill with the next cut and I am scared of the consequences of that aim. I can make it.

My head is arguing, one half wants it...damage, destruction, cutting, ODing, even death. The other half is so rational. I hate them both, but I am them both.

I just want to stop.

blondiebear · 14-01-2008, 04:40 AM

You've stepped back long enough to see what you're doing.
Now can you ask from help from the doctors and your tutors/advisors/counselor at Uni?
Today, Let the rational you help the mixed up you. The mixed up you can write or draw your feelings in a journal. Let the rational you make an appointment with a counselor. The two of you can live together.
Major hugs!

butterfly525 · 14-01-2008, 06:01 AM

Have you considered taking a break from uni? So you can sort out your head and your life and all that without having to worry about classes too. I have basically been in that same situation for the past year and a half, and I finally realized that I needed a break, so I am living with my family again for the upcoming semester while I try to take back control of my life and myself. I think it will help me, maybe it would be a good idea for you too. I don't know, just a thought. I hope things get better for you. *hugs*

Pomegranate · 14-01-2008, 11:52 PM

Thanks for the replies. I can't leave uni....I have always dreamt of coming to uni and been planning which one since I was about 13. Its just all so different now.
I spent the whole of today trying to catch up, be productive, keep busy but not I am so exhausted I have stopped and now I am angry with myself because I can't see the point in all the crap I have got done today. Susan, I am currently waiting for a psychologist appointment but I have no idea how long that would take.

I went to the Nurse today and she told me my wrist is horribly infected and I have to go and see her again tomorrow and probably for a few days....all I can think of is how I wish it was worse. I am sitting here working my way through a bottle of wine and 3 double vodkas. I have to cut but my wrist is all bandaged and I promised I wouldn't undo it

sparklyshoes · 15-01-2008, 12:34 AM

*hugs*
Is there anybody you can talk to in real life about you feeling unable to cope? If you were to speak to a lecturer or your tutor, somebody you feel comfortable with and tell them you don't feel you are coping with the deadlines at the minute thye might be able to help you out x

Pomegranate · 15-01-2008, 11:24 PM

Not really although I may have to now. I ended up in A+E today again and was given a note explaining my absence this afternoon. But all it says in the problem box is 'self harmer with deep lacerations to wrists'. I think my tutor may guess from this.

Also they wanted to keep me in and the whole time I was there I was under supervision of a nurse. I didn't stay in the end (obviously cos I am here) but it took two hours of arguing before they would let me go and me agreeing to check in with nurse tomorrow.

I was wondering, if they express a desire to keep you in and you refuse will they give you warning if they are considering sectioning you? Or is it literally 'ok, you refused what we want so we are sectioning you'??

Thanks :(