i don't even think i can be anonymous

[littlestar]

My counselor has this idea that i should join this 12-step group... it's like Alcoholics Anonymous, except for SI. She thinks it would be a good idea.

However, i am scared to death. The idea of going into a room of strangers who automatically know that i am a cutter just by the fact that i am there really freaks me out. i want more than anything to hide my scars.... and the knowledge that i cut. This feels really vulnerable and really really weird.

But am i overreacting? Is it any different than RYL? i mean, i guess the internet does have some built in true anonymity... i don't know. i don't know if i should suck it up and ignore my freakishness, or if the whole thing really is as crazy as i think it is. Thoughts?

[sc0tt]

I kind of felt the same way when I first started going to NA, I don't want everyone to know I had a problem. I figured everyone would be judging me, and what if everyone around knew it was an NA meeting they would make assumptions on that too.

But you realize, that no one is going to judge you for going, just like they didn't want to be judged when they first went. I dought that there going to try and make you share any thing that you don’t want to share. Shoot, I didn’t say a word my first 3 NA meetings.
Come on a 12 step program for SI. You have a unique opportunity here, Id jump on it

[Emmer]

Hi littlestar (sorry for not knowing your name.)

I've never heard of this - a kind of group therapy for self-harm and I think it totally depends on the type of person you are to decide whether you should go through with it. While many self-harmers like to keep their self-harm a secret I think somewhere along the line they also want people to know so they can receive help. That's where RYL comes in for many of us; the non-judgemental place that many can relate to the things that we go through and support us through them or at least make us feel less alone. Maybe RYL even makes you feel more 'normal' for self-harming because when you first start out self-harming it's likely that you think no one/ not many do that thing so it makes sense to feel comfortable here where the empathesis is around self-harm.

I couldn't honestly tell you if this therapy would be much different to RYL but I can tell you from being taught about group therapy that they don't just throw a bunch of people in a room together. It's meant to be cleverly thought out so you have people in the room where you can relate to what they go through and vice versa. I can understand that it'd be quite scary to walk into a room with people immediately knowing you self-harm and it probably feels like one of the secrets you hide so much would be very visable to these people. However, they might be saying right this minute on another support site or to a friend exactly the same thing! You will all be in the same boat and they won't look at you and go "OMG that person self-harms" because they do too.

I personally think you should bite the bullet and go, it doesn't mean you have to share your story on the first session. I think if you try it then from that can decide whether you think this type of therapy would benefit you and how it made you feel to be in a place where self-harm isn't as secret as it is in many other places.

Emma

[pea soup]

hi there...
i know it all sounds really huge and scary right now to let your boundaries down. im a recovering alcoholic and i know it was scary for me going to my first few meetings. but the thing is, EVERYONE there was an alcoholic. just as everyone where you go will be a self harmer in some way. ive looked for groups around my area before but we have none. it sounds like a great idea to me. and you can just go and listen to others for as long as you want. you dont have to say a word until youre ready. i really hope it helps.
much love.
xx

[chocostashchick]

I know what you mean - but I think it is different from RYL in that RYL isnt real life, it is through a glass screen and you pick and choose what to say and when and nobody sees you close up. This support group think would be in person, people who would meet the real you and vice versa. I think that it depends on you, if that difference is good or bad, but if your therapist thinks you are ready and you are even considering it enough to post here, you might as well go and see what happens. You can stop going at any time, but what harm could giving it a shot do? It also sounds like a great opportunity. I don't know that much about it, but I have never heard of that type of group before so this is a great chance that you are getting.

[Zurg]

Oh hunni, i can understand why it's all a bit scary but i gotta say if it was me who got this opportunity i'd be there right away, lol....

I so long to meet other people who self harms and i think most of us do on some level.

I have done group therapy before and trust me when i say this; no one is going to jugde you or look at you in a funny way. You're all in the same boat. And of course you don't have to speak up right away. Just try it out and give it some time and i'm sure you won't regret it.
*huggles you*

[Margo]

The room is gonna be filled with people who are thinkin the same as you. They are gonna be scarred to death also.

Give it a go. I think it will be alot better than you think!

Keep us updated!

hugs
Matthew xxx

[littlestar]

Thank you guys, for helping me get back into perspective. You're right, it IS a great opportunity, and it would be pretty sad if i let fear and anxiety get in the way (keeping me in the same cycle, huh?). So i've decided i AM going to go. Maybe next Tuesday, even, but i'm still trying to psych myself up for it.
Thanks again, you guys... .i will let you know how it goes.... hehe, wish y'all could just come with me!!!!

[Merc]

just wanted to add my good luck and to say you are very brave for doing this..be proud of yourself!
and pls do let us know ok?

romp