guilt, anger, hurt all towards me

PlayingForKeeps · 08-06-2007, 06:10 AM

i just slipped up. again. i do this every couple months. i kept having dreams with him. they wouldn't go away. i cut because i couldn't handle it. i wasn't strong enough. i just want it to go away. i feel guilty and angry and hurt AT me. not at him. i can't be mad at him. i can't forget him. i can't do it. all i can do is get mad at me. feel like its MY fault. i don't know what to do. my boyfriend and i were fooling around and i freaked out. because of him. i had a flashback because of him. i don't know what to do....any words of wisdom?

lauren

revenge · 08-06-2007, 07:29 AM

im not sure about words of wisdom...

but i think you have to try and understand and believe that none of what happened was your fault..
deep down you know it wasn't your fault, and you have to start listening to that, please..

ive never actually experienced anything like this, so maybe i'm not the best person to help, but i know someone who has, and she feels the same way...but i have realised that trying to persuade someone it wasn't their fault doesn't work, you have to try and realise it yourself..
becuase that way you can start to blame him,
and it was his fault, you should blame him! don't feel guilty about anything like that..

sorry if i wasn't much help..
be safe <3

crazykat · 08-06-2007, 03:18 PM

Hun
Don't be too hard on yourself, we all have slip ups
Its not your fault what happened, as hard as this is to accept
Have you ever spoken to anyone about whats happened and about your flashbacks? If not maybe you might find some counselling beneficial. I know how hard flashbacks can be and how crap they can leave you feeling afterwards. Just remember that the flashbacks aren't real and they do pass. I find that grounding techniques really help, here are some grounding techniques that i find help:

Stomp your feet to remind yourself where you are. Press your feet firmly into the ground.
Try to notice where you are, your surroundings including the people, the sounds like the t.v. or radio.
Concentrate on your breathing. Take a deep cleansing breath from your diaphragm. Count the breaths as you exhale. Make sure you breath slowly so you don't hyperventilate.
Find your pulse on your wrist and count the beats per minute. Concentrate on feeling the blood pulse throughout your body.

I hope this helps you a little and my PM box is always open if you wanna talk. Take care of yourself
hugs kat

PlayingForKeeps · 08-06-2007, 09:43 PM

thank you so much you guys. that did help. i will try some of those techniques kat. i just wish i knew what to do about the sexual fear ya know. i love my boyfriend. we have been going out for ever. he never pushes me to have sex or be intimate but when we are i just can't handle it. i don't know. i heart you all. *hugs kat*