I can't make tears come
I'm cutting myself but the cuts aren't even big enough to bleed but a tiny bit
I hate myself because I am a liar, a worthless bitch, and an idiot beyond belief
my best friend won't even talk to me anymore...he just tells me he doesn't know what to say and says sorry....
I have scars overlapping scars and I look at my arms and envision more and more scars appearing where the old ones are
i'm alone and deserve to suffer and yes I deserve to be alone
and i still can't cry
So long ago, was it in a dream, was it just a dream?
I know, yes I know
Seemed so very real, it seemed so real to me
Took a walk down the street
Through the heat whispered trees
I thought I could hear
Somebody call out my name as it started to rain
Two spirits dancing so strange
Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé --John Lennon
Hun, you don't deserve to suffer or be alone. What's wrong? You aren't a worthless bitch or an idiot. *hugs you tightly*
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
You don't deserve to suffer. Maybe you did indeed tell a lie, or say something you regret. Maybe your friend is upset. But that doesn't make you a bad person. It sounds like your friend does care. You do deserve that caring. We all make mistakes from time to time. Its part of learning.
Dont say that about yourslef you're not a worthless bitch or an idiot, you're definiatley not alone. No one deserves to suffer and to be alone. Don't worry your tears will come. Be safe and take care. PM me anytime if you'de like.
x Ashley x
A smile is the best way to deal with difficult situations. Even if it's a fake one. Used properly, you can fool anyone with them - Sai
Hun you aren't a worthless bitch or idiot and you don't deserve to suffer and be alone, you deserve to be happy and you will be. You aren't alone, we are all here for you. I understand what its like to want to cry but nothin comes out, when your ready you will be able to let it all out. Is there anything in particular bothering you atm? PM me if you ever wanna talk, take care of yourself
hugs kat
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Sorry but I feel like I should give you guys extra warning: this post is very triggering.
***************************
Thanks for your support guys.
The tears did come.
But unfortunately I've had a pretty bad accident this morning. It will probably be a permanent injury. And it really was an accident; I'm not just saying that.
I look so bad underneath all these long sleeves and pants...I know this sounds whiny and childish but I don't think any guy will ever love me looking like this. And I can't change how my body looks even if I do quit this habit. Very few of the wounds are temporary and some are two years old and still as clear as ever.
So long ago, was it in a dream, was it just a dream?
I know, yes I know
Seemed so very real, it seemed so real to me
Took a walk down the street
Through the heat whispered trees
I thought I could hear
Somebody call out my name as it started to rain
Two spirits dancing so strange
Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé --John Lennon
As Katie said, the tears will come when you are ready. A lot of people, especially on here, find that they have difficulty crying.
Please take care whilst you're hurting yourself - as silly as that sounds. I know it's all too tempting to cut deeper and deeper because you're not "satisfied" with the depth or severity of the cuts you have, but please remember that the size of cuts do not reflect the amount of suffering that somebody is going through.
Remember that self-harm is not the way forward and, although it seems like it helps, it's only a temporary release and the bad effects far outweigh any benefits. Do you recieve counselling or any other professional help?
Nobody is worthless. Pretty much everybody lies at some point in their life. It sounds like your friend cares about you; if he's saying sorry it probably means that he wants to help you but he doesn't know how.
Why do you feel like you deserve to suffer, and to be alone?
you are not a idiot. Everybody tells lies from time to time, you do not deserve this pain things will get better hun just give it some time ,and the tears will come.
