so here's the deal...(brace youself, this is gonna be tedious) i've been living with this guy for nearly a year. I'm thinking this is it, making plans for our future together and everything (I'm a previous commit-aphobe) long story short, all is good. Been keeping SI's to a minimum, been doing well. Then Xmas eve I got the vomit bug thats been going round my town so couldn't go out boozin' but insisted on him goin out anyway, would've felt crap bout him stayin in just for me. So he goes out n rocks up at 6am after shagging my long term drinking buddy. I found this out on Sat 9th (he confessed) and have not managed a day not involving sharp objects since. I love him, he says he loves me and it was a mistake and I wanna believe that and move on but I've become a paranoid wreck. Am I being a really sad loser by not kicking his ass out? Am I really that crap? I don't know what to do! the only up side is that I found this site due to the extreme turmoil I'm feeling.
If the only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing, then I must be a f***ing genius
I'm really sorry that you ended up cutting due to the intense pain you've been feeling since your partner betrayed you.
Your partner cheating on you has really got to hurt so much, and I am so sorry that this happened to you, especially considering that you took a big step by planning a future with him, when this sort of a commitment is quite difficult for you.
As for your reaction and not kicking your partner out after hearing the news of his cheating on you - no one here is in your situation, so none of us can really judge what you've chosen to do or advise you on what is the best thing to do in your situation ... so no one here is going to think you are a loser for not kicking him out, but I do think its sad that your blood was shed over something he did wrong!
Whether you choose to forgive him or not and believe his declaration of love and that it was all a mistake, is totally your decision, and if you want to talk it over here some more, then that would be fine. I think the fact that he voluntarily confessed to what happened should go in his favour, and people do make genuine mistakes that they regret later on (been there done that!), but its just whether you can forgive him for this, and whether you will be able to eventually trust him again, which is the bigger issue.
I wish you all the best with this dilema ... this must be so painful for you! But please realise that now that you've found this website, that you dont have to deal with this alone, and that you can talk to us whever you need to.
I also hope that you dont mind that I've merged your 2 threads together, as the second thread was posted only a few hours after the first one and it seemed like they were related issue, and a posted update on the existing thread that you made earlier would help to give the other members here at RYL some more information with which to base their replies to your post. Hope that was okay.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Hey,
None of us will judge you for any of your actions we're here to support you when the going gets tough.. and it seems like it has :(
It is your decision to stay with this guy. Relationships are built on trust and love, make sure that you can really trust him. If you cant, maybe a mini rethink? Even if it is just to reaffirm the fact that in fact you do want to be with him.
Good luck, take care of yourself, this was his mistake, not yours.
Miriam xxx
I've made my desicion. I'm in this for the long haul. Our love is worth a second chance. Today was the first day of the rest of my life, and whilst I may still be struggling somewhat, it's the first day this year I've not cut. Thank you all for bein there when I needed you. Hugs all round xxx
If the only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing, then I must be a f***ing genius
