Triggering (SI/OD) - I Fxcking Hate Them *si trig?*

[lower than myself]

So, News Years Eve, a time for a brand new start, time to have fun, dance, get absolutely wasted && so on.

Yeah I done all those && yeah I had fun, up until the point I had an argument with two family members, just so happened to be my fxcking parents. We sarted arguing about my SH, how it was screwing everyone's lives up, cause you know, mine's just not improtant && my nan walked into the room as that topic was being mentioned, she looked at me with disgust && even had the fxcking cheek to mention to all her friends, that her oldest grandaughter, is a screw up that I should be more 'Mautre' that I shouldn't being SH'ing because it's making her look bad.

She didn't give me a second glance, all night, whenever she did look at me, she gave me the evil eye && turned her nose up at me, everyone was just acting like dxcks towards me, refusing to come anywhere near me cause I was like dirt to them. God.

So I run home, in six inch heels, which are rather uncomfortable when your running may I just add, && smash everything up, the parents who are trying to 'protect' me, took everything sharp away, yet again, so I smash a mirror up, I grab the alcohol && pills && just sit there crying, I don't know what was fxcking stopping me, I could have just done it && it would all be over, no more me, no more making my family looking like trash because they can't fxcking deal with me.

[Bleeding Angel]

im sorry that happend to you, it must have felt awful.

Do people in your family understand much about self-harm? it could help to talk to them and give them more information rather than them jus assuming things about it?

Your s/h doesnt affect anyone else, unless it interfers somehow with thier life, so it was wrong of them to say so.

Hope you are feeling better

[lower than myself]

They don't want to understand, thats the problem, I got told to go to this counselling thing by my parents, now when my counsellor is offering a session for them, to understand SH better, they turn their noses up && tell me it's a waste of time. I'm like what the hell.

As far as my family are concerned, SH is like the plauge, the idiots think that they'll suddenly start if they keep interacting with me, && they're moaning whenever they 'accidently' lose something in my room && see new cuts. The idiots.

I hate them so much

[jdpasino]

i'm so sorry your family acts this way it's not right! i wish i could scoop you up.....*holds you*

[Briar Rose]

I'm sorry your dealing with so much right now!

I wish family could see past "looking bad" and how things affect them, and notice what's happening to the person they should be caring about the most!

please know that I care,
-Kellie

[lower than myself]

Thanks guys, it's just getting too much for me, one of the members on here && my best mate said I should move down to hers, which quite frankly is a possibility, because I've been planning on leaving for ages now && there's not really anything close to a hostel where I'm from.

The thing is, I don't want to get involved with her family, tbh everyone I usually go near, eventually, ends up with a shxtty life. && I don't really want to screw their lives up either. So I guess I'm stuck with the family from hell.

Oh well, I'll figure something out I guess. Although the sad thing is, I cut last night, but the knife wasn't even sharp enough to leave a scratch or cut or anything. God I'm pathetic =[

[jdpasino]

you aren't pathetic i promise you! maybe you should try to leave your house because it sounds like it's not healthy for you to be there....*hugs*

[lower than myself]

Yeah, I've been considering that option anyway && all my mates have said "Come move in with me" && all this, but it's the friends that don't know about my SI. I'm not saying I don't want them to know, they're just judgemental && I'm thinking that maybe I'd lose a few good friends over all this.

I know I probably have no right posting, stupid threads like this when people do actually have real problems, I dunno, I guess I'm just looking for answers or something.
Anything that can keep me from screwing up && I don't wanna destroy my life anymore, so I say, as far as I know I could just give up now && get it over with. I'm just fed up with things at the minute =[

[jdpasino]

you do have a right to post and your problems aren't stupid! post on here as much as you feel you need to *hugs*