Yes it's come to the point where I am diswoning my mother. I want nothing to do with her anymore. I am keeping the peace till march first when we (me and my 3 friends) move into our new apartment, and then I am cutting any and all contact forever. I have had it.
See, when me and my friend Sandra agreed to move into this house with my mom and her boyfriend so she can afford it, it was supposed to be OURS. And it was at first. But over the last 18 months of owning it, it's become my mom's house since she feels she makes the largest morgage payment of anyone in the house and does the most work in the house. Well excuse me if me and Sandra are disabled and can't do the work around the house that she can. If we could, we wouldn't be on disability, we would be out working a full time job making a hell of alot more money than 865.00 a month. That's for damn sure.
She's turned into a total dictator. She walks around barking orders for people to do "chores" around the house by a curtain date and time. She says she wants to save on electircity right, so she walks around turing off my stuff like my heater right now in the winter. Or the thing that really pisses me off. I just go in to use the bathroom, and come back out to the living room and the TV, heater, lights and everything will be turned off. It's like you know what, I pay my damn electric share, leave my stuff alone damit. All she is doing is lowering our share of electric, not hers. And it just pisses us off to keep coming out of the bathroom to a dark room.
Which is why today I went into her room while she was gone and gave her a taste of her own crap. I went in and turned off her PC, TV, heater and lamp that was on. She comes in screaming. Apparently her ipod was still attached to her computer and it has to be detached befor shutting down the computer first. Well it was fixed later by her. But she kind of got the point a little. Leave my stuff alone, and I will leave yours alone. Simple enough rule. I mean crap, I am 27 for crying out loud here. Respect my stuff and I will respect yours. I have no problem getting up in my mom's face anymore. I have had enough.
The lady who was out to sell the house was out yesturday. So I turned on the security camera. I was curious what she would say about my room. It's on the extream side. I won't go into details. Anyway instead of catching her coments I catch my mom talking shit. She first talks crap about my friend smelling. It's like excuse me? And then she talks about me being mental "He's driving, doesn't that just scare the hell out of you?" was one of her comments among several others. She has no right to bring my personal life out to this person. So I was pissed.
Then I invited my brother girlfriend over for the ball dropping last night and found out my mom told my brother the reason she is selling the house is because we are leaving. Ummm, it was her idea to leave and get our own apartments. She has just been feeding my brother lies about the whole situation to paint her as the victom. I am so tired of the games and her shit.
We are moving in 2 months and I am cutting total contact. I no longer will have a mom as far as I am concerned. I am tired of the comments and attacks on my self esteem. It's clear she doesn't approve of my life and never will, and she never had no intention on repairing the relationship of past abuse. So she can go live her own life where she can't do me any more further damage. She can just live with one son, my brother...if he is even willing to put up with her crap anymore.
Good for you for disowning your mom and for keeping the peace in the meantime. I'm trying to separate from my parents without unnecessarily hurting their feelings. Before I say or do something I ask myself if it is kind, true or necessary. My parents came over before Christmas with 90 minutes notice. My husband hid my books on child abuse because even though it is true, i'm not ready to confront them and it is not kind or necessary that they see them.
If you're polite, even if coldly polite, you'll feel better about yourself.
Since you're 27 have you considered posting in Vets?
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
She works for greyhound, when she's at work for a day or so on a run everything is calm. But when she gets home I feel stressed again and the chest pain comes back along with the depression. I am so tired of feeling this way. I think cutting off contact so she can't produce these feelings in me again seems like the best thing. I already did it with 98% of my family including my dad. The only ones left of my family I have contact with is my brother and my mother. And in two months my mother will join those I no longer have contact with. I don't need to be around the stress, my therapist has already told me this. That it's not good for my mental health, and I agree with that. I do feel better when she's not around. Sometimes it's just what it comes to. I have my best friends though which are most like my family. They are great. And I have heard of the vet section, but I thought you had to be much older, or like quit SI or something. So yea, never posted there.
If you keep cutting off contact with everybody who is difficult sometimes and causing you stress sometimes (maybe with lousy reasons, I dunno, tho I can see her point of basically owning the house cuz she pays a lot more for it than you do) you gonna end up lonely...family's important in my opinion.
I won't disagree about family being important. Maybe if my mother dies before my dad does, i'll see him more often. He's become mean since he retired, too much time around mom. I will still try to keep some contact with an uncle and a cousin. Once I've gotten through some of the flashbacks and workbooks and stuff I may see my mom, dad and sister again.
Vets is for people 18+ who have different interests, or needs than the younger people. No time free of SI needed. I'll look for you there.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Well just because my mom pays more rent does not give her the right to disrespect me to my face or behind my back to others. I am an adult and deserve just as much respect as she does. She was the one who said she would pay more rent because she made more when we came into this house to afford it. But again, that doesn't give her the power to dictate over anyone. Just like the manager of an apartment building doesn't have the power to tell a renter when to clean their dishes and or straighten up their room. I think the problem is she is my mom and is under the asumption that because I am her son that she can still control me. She is mistaken.
Also I have bent over backwards taking interest in her work from the beginning since I have returned back from NY 5 years ago trying to repair the relationship. Which is what she said she wanted to do. But she doesn't know anything but the name of my interests. I know she drives buses, what the schedual names are, where they go, what time they leave and all the other details. Yet she knows no details about what I do or what I am interested in. She clearly doesn't care about anyone but herself. So cutting contact really wouldn't hurt me. She already isn't really in my life. I wouldn't be missing anything.
* I dont really know what to say , but i just wanted you to know that i read it and i care
